[OC] If Spells and Abilities Were Written How My Players Use Them
31717 upvotes
1535 comments
secondbestdnd
4 days ago
[OC] If Spells and Abilities Were Written How My Players Use Them
ShewantstheDandD
4035
4 days ago

Lets not forget stealth: Roll stealth whenever you feel like you want to disappear completely. You can roll stealth at any time. Stealth ignores daylight, cover to hide behind, and whether or not you were mid conversation with an NPC. You immediately disappear, and enemies scratch heir heads and simply accept the fact you're gone, waiting for you to sneak up on them.

Really though, solid gold post, cracked me up.

WalksinCrookedLines
1791
4 days ago

Don’t forget the classic “we move quickly, but stealthily.”

secondbestdnd
1151
4 days ago

The rule I've used to discourage this is that the party as a whole is only as Stealthy as its least Stealthy member. Unless you move at half speed...

Kat_DM
698
4 days ago

laughs in ranger

manliestmarmoset
809
4 days ago

Level 5: Wow! Pass without Trace is really powerful.

Level 18: Wow! Pass without Trace is really powerful.

springloadedgiraffe
625
4 days ago

I rolled a 6. Add Prof, Dex bonus, carry the 2, add pwt, plus this ability... I got a 47 to my stealth.

packfanmoore
584
4 days ago

As a PC: fuck yeah rogues

As a DM: fuck you rogues

GobtheCyberPunk
292
4 days ago

As a PC rogue, dont forget that I should be able to sneak attack at all times because one of my level ups or something said I dont need advantage anymore

DrMobius0
202
4 days ago

Once per turn, you can deal extra 1d6 damage to one creature you hit with an attack if you have advantage on the attack roll. The attack must use a finesse or a ranged weapon. You don't need advantage on the attack roll if another enemy of the target is within 5 feet of it, that enemy isn't incapacitated, and you don't have disadvantage on the attack roll. The amount of the extra damage increases as you gain levels in this class, as shown in the Sneak Attack column of the Rogue table.

As long as someone is within 5 feet of the enemy, you're good to go on that sneak attack. You might have trouble hitting, but if you hit, you get to roll big damage. I think a lot of people have older edition sneak attack and flanking rules stuck in their heads, and it creates a lot of confusion. The only real issue is that rogues don't have full autonomy in terms of target selection if they want to us it. They have to hit the thing that the fighter is slapping, which means the squishy wizard slinging spells at you isn't going to be vulnerable to it unless you use your bonus action to roll stealth and hide.

Bukowskified
93
4 days ago

This is why my halfing rogue rides into battle on the shoulders of our biggest party member.

rayhiggenbottom
7
4 days ago

This is what makes sneak attack the bomb. Unless both the barbarian and the paladin in your group insist on using reach weapons. Then you're fucked.

ormaybeimjusthigh
11
4 days ago

My groups always use the flanking = advantage rule from the optional "facing" rules in the DMG.

The Rogue ALWAYS has advantage... *but* he has to hold action until the barbarian goes and doesn't try to stealth in broad daylight (as often).

I find the rule also tends to put melee characters closer to casters in power (excluding game-breaking spell combos).

Deerscicle
5
4 days ago

Laughs 1st in initiative because dex+charisma

ReynAetherwindt
23
4 days ago

This true from level 1, really. You just have to be attacking someone within reach of an ally.

Shiny_Shedinja
4
4 days ago

My shadow monk is pretty stealthy, +11 to stealth base which actually might be +14 now that I look at it, i don't think dnd beyond added the Aereni elf bonus. , +10 from pass without a trace. Throw on Mask of the wild too for hiding cheese.

I don't stealth often, but sometimes I just like to let my DM know that I could if i wanted to.

Noir24
151
4 days ago

"Okay you're no longer on this plane of existence. Grog, you're up"

mindbleach
131
4 days ago

"But I can stab this guy."

"He doesn't notice."

"His blood's coming out!"

"His blood doesn't notice."

Gamergonemild
9
4 days ago

He ain't got time to bleed

mindbleach
4
4 days ago

What is the CR for a sexual tyrannosaurus?

Ethans_friend
181
4 days ago

Whenever the party tries to be stealthy they all pass except for the Fighter in full plate who sings, "CLANG, CLANG, CLANG GOES THE TROLLEY, DING, DING, DING GOES THE BELL!"

Uncle_gruber
67
4 days ago

If we're going stealthy my paladin just goes in his regular clothes. I was never a fan of the heavy characters ruining potential group stealths when I played other characters so it helps a lot and livens up the tension. I still have only 10 dex but at least I'm not a literal dinner bell.

DavidG993
56
4 days ago

You have ten minutes to kill taking off and putting on that armor?

Uncle_gruber
82
4 days ago

If we're sneaking into a place we're doing it with preparation and a plan. We're sure as hell not doing it on the fly.

DavidG993
215
4 days ago

With preparation and plan...?

I'm confused, are we still talking about DnD?

Chronoblivion
110
4 days ago

If there's no plan, then there's nothing to fall apart.

FosterPringles
16
4 days ago

Thats right, now everything is falling into place, instead of apart.

Uncle_gruber
32
4 days ago

Oh we had a great plan, fighter and paladin in leather armor with the cleric of trickery casting pass without trace. We stealthed right in there like ghosts...

Aaaaand then it all went to shit as it always does. I fucking love DnD.

DavidG993
8
4 days ago

Yeah...we needed lumber to fix our ship and had our paladin go all Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter on a tree and when it came down the ground went with it.

All we wanted was a damn tree.

the_ringmasta
42
4 days ago

My paladin actively refuses to sneak.

The DM sometimes makes me roll stealth anyway, but I kick down every door and loudly challenge every opponent.

I basically play a LN version of Glorion from JourneyQuest.

Scherazade
23
4 days ago

I always play paladins like the Starbomb album version of Simon Belmont.

<breaks down door>

NEVER FEAR! SIMON BELMONT IS HERE, I AM HERE TO DESTROY ALL YOU HOLD DEAR! TIME TO END YOUR CRUEL NECROMANCY!

“uh, actually we were just dancing”

Lacriphage
21
4 days ago

My paladin is a devotee of Chauntea. He's here to tell you about farming and you're damn well going to listen.

BuckeyeBentley
12
4 days ago

Have you heard the good word? Irrigation!

Vulcan_Jedi
4
4 days ago

“Boy that’s some good corn right there. Yes sir-ee, some good corn.”

Silverspy01
6
4 days ago

That's the only way to play Paladin tbh. No one ever heard of a stealthy crusade. If I'm going to be laying down the smites my enemies are going to know exactly who's smiting them.

CarbonatedPruneJuice
5
4 days ago

Truly, your honour has been gloried.

kukiric
47
4 days ago

Bard rolls nat 20 twice with a +10 bonus to stealth

Oh no

Vurbock
20
4 days ago

Rolls a 6 with Bardic inspiration

I totally gave everyone Bardic inspiration before we started sneaking.

Moldy_Gecko
5
4 days ago

And cleric gave guidance.

Protocol_Nine
4
4 days ago

Everyone knows that playing the rogue a little song to cheer him up while hiding behind some chairs will make sure the security guards will never find him.

omegarisen
5
4 days ago

Cue Kronk moving through the city with Kuzco on his back

secondbestdnd
22
4 days ago

^^^^ Now this is a DM!!!

rhogar42
9
4 days ago

I mean, there are rules for group skill check and I think they specifically call out stealth. This is because a five person group rolling for stealth would essentially be doing so at quadruple disadvantage, which is kinda dumb.

hunarthebarbarian
30
4 days ago

That and i think there is a spell that lets a group do it quicker... maybe mass invisibilty but i wont lie im too lazy to look it up

thegoodguywon
30
4 days ago

Pass Without a Trace?

MrBleedinggums
3
4 days ago

Pass without Trace?

A veil of shadows and Silence radiates from you, masking you and your companions from detection. For the Duration, each creature you choose within 30 feet of you (including you) has a +10 bonus to Dexterity (Stealth) checks and can’t be tracked except by magical means. A creature that receives this bonus leaves behind no tracks or other traces of its passage.

sk_2013
63
4 days ago

Eh, the problem with that is that in any decently sized party (I DM for a party of six) statistically someone is going to get screwed by the dice. You'd have to set the DC comically low not to permascrew the party.

JDaddyFly
33
4 days ago

That's how it should be. 5e encourages success over failure almost every time and, at least to me, letting the plate mail character slide on some decent rolls from a rogue seems uhhhh wrong.

sk_2013
49
4 days ago

That overlooks the possibility of a skilled character helping mitigate for a less skilled character. I.e. the stealth equivalent of Bear Grills.

Also, you're assuming that the rogue is carrying the fighter. Statistically, it won't be uncommon for the rogue to fuck up and for some reason the fighter will have gotten an 18.

The issue with treating each roll independently is that it makes failure a foregone conclusion.

JasonMB2
15
4 days ago

I mean .. this is functionally accurate. A group of 6 should all need to pass stealth if they all expect to sneak by. Think of every movie where a group is trying to sneak... Yeah, there's one guy that Fs it up. That's common practice and it's a huge advantage if you can pull off your whole group sneaking by...it should be difficult.

Potagonhd
12
4 days ago

That's completely unfair on any character that relies on stealth though. Mark Hulmes has a cool idea with stealth where instead of asking for stealth checks from each player, he asks for stealth checks as a group. So if his group has 5 players, everyone rolls their d20, adds modifiers and then pools everyones rolls together. instead of the stealth check being a 12 for each player, the stealth check is 50 for the group as a whole. This means that stealthier characters who get high rolls can carry characters who get low rolls which allows stealth to be a viable option without splitting the party.

JasonMB2
18
4 days ago

I mean... I'm playing a rogue, I don't find it unfair. I tell my group to let the stealthy characters scout ahead or get into a good ambush position. Then we use bird calls to signal to rush or retreat.

If the party that can't stealth ignores this and wants to go ahead on their own, then they get ambushed. Actually happened our 2nd session, our group was slinking through the woods on a road, heard a disturbance ahead. We all jumped into the trees except a war cleric.

My rogue and a ranger were sneaking ahead to see what was up. The cleric proceeded on the road. He got jumped by goblins, we then snuck attack the goblins in return...

I think it's unfair if one of my biggest class features is shared with the group.

JavaforShort
5
4 days ago

This is not only a cool idea from whomever it was you mentioned, a variant is also spelled out in the basic rules making this entire conversation pretty pointless.

Group Checks

When a number of individuals are trying to accomplish something as a group, the DM might ask for a group ability check. In such a situation, the characters who are skilled at a particular task help cover those who aren't.

To make a group ability check, everyone in the group makes the ability check. If at least half the group succeeds, the whole group succeeds.

Otherwise, the group fails.

As the DM, decide whether this rule applies. If not, then have everyone role individually. Easy.

passwordistako
8
4 days ago

I think both approaches have their place. If we are talking about staying hidden in a covered position for example.

In one instance they're under scruitny and each member is trying to be quiet. But the person in heavy armour rolls a very low score and still fails, that means they aren't hidden.

You could instead rule that the stealth check isn't to "stay quiet" but to create or fashion a hiding place and reflect the group effort to understand stealth and camouflage the hide. If one player rolls poorly they might be caught in their mistake or oversight by a more talented or lucky team mate and this situations is taken as an average.

borgchupacabras
5
4 days ago

clangs in splint mail

freelancer042
3
4 days ago

One of my favorite things to do as a PC is to roleplay the results of my stealth roll. This can take the form of signing to my DM what the results are, or very loudly stating "I ROLLED A 2!"

secondbestdnd
190
4 days ago

The reason is they wanna be ninjas, and who can blame em

JasonMB2
83
4 days ago

Lol, the only time I really try this, and it thematically works is if I'm at range, pop up, shoot an arrow, bonus action to hide again. Like, sure, maybe they know I'm there, maybe they didn't see the arrow coming before I hid...

But either way, they can't see me now and won't know when/where I pop out to shoot again. (And it's not 1v1, so they are distracted by others in their face).

Grandmaster_Caladrel
74
4 days ago

But see, that's how it's supposed to work. And that's not what players want, they want the strictest RAW when it's in their favor of course ability to hide with a skill check at will!

JasonMB2
43
4 days ago

If Skyrim taught us anything.... "Is someone there? (Stab) Ahh! You'll pay!! ... I saw him a minute ago.. Is someone there?"

The_MAZZTer
5
4 days ago

Yeah I was thinking "maybe they expect video game behavior".

Video games want to be super forgiving. If you fail stealth, in a "realistic" game the enemies would not lower their guard again until they kill you. But, the game wants to encourage stealth, so guards will forget they ever saw you shortly so you can try again without save scumming.

Cacho_Tognax
4
4 days ago

Been reading doctor mc ninja recently, if they want to roll stealth in the middle of a seen place just have them also consume a smoke bomb!

WorkingSubstance
18
4 days ago

Must've been the wind...

Phylea
164
4 days ago

enemies scratch heir heads and simply accept the fact you're gone, waiting for you to sneak up on them.

Oh they aren't waiting for you. As far as they know, you never existed! They then "leash" back to their starting point and completely reset as if they never knew anything but standing there.

firelock_ny
130
4 days ago

"Huh, must have been the wind." - NPC guard, with PC's arrow sticking out of his eye.

zookdook1
68
4 days ago

"It was probably nothing," said the Borgian guard while a man in white hooded clothing covered in weapons sits on a bench.

mrguse
82
4 days ago

Addendum:

Really, anything can be considered "cover," to achieve stealth be it a large rock or fellow party member. Stealth also is allowed if the enemy miniature facing the other direction.

ThatguyZy
52
4 days ago

I feel like treating it like that nerfs the halfling "hide behind one size larger" trait

abookfulblockhead
25
4 days ago

This is basically what it’s like to play a Halfling rogue.

JasonMB2
3
4 days ago

Yeah... I tried that as a kobold, because I'm 30 inches tall, I got shot down

Grandmaster_Caladrel
4
4 days ago

My argument against that is that there are optional facing rules. Otherwise PCs also need to watch their backs and can't just be assumed to have noticed someone coming up on them. Which some tables don't like. Any DM can rule that way because it makes sense, but in the heat of combat it's usually an inconsistent decision made to keep the game going.

jeffreybbbbbbbb
51
4 days ago

Cue WoW’s rogue stealth sound.

Bombkirby
20
4 days ago

Weeeeeooommmm....

Admiralolz
4
4 days ago

good god that sound still triggers all of my instincts to panic and spin wildly in a circle so as not to get instantly sapped

vvirago
4
4 days ago

Nah you gotta immediately start spamming aoe. Rip shadow priests.

primus202
18
4 days ago

Or better yet: pass without trace. "I cast the spell and instantly disappear even though there's a whole army looking at me."

passwordistako
5
4 days ago

I now cast invisibility using my highest level spell slot including myself and the ranger/monk (whoever cast pass without a trace) and as many other party members as possible.

Synergy for the win.

Kittamaru
13
4 days ago

Ah, I see you too have played Skyrim...

lydocia
8
4 days ago

Reminds me of our ranger who was being targeted by a witch while climbing up to the crow's nest of a ship. He then said "I turn myself away so I'm out of her line of sight behind the mast". The witch continued to throw flame balls at him and he was visibly annoyed when exclaiming "come on dude, I'm fucking stealthy."

DM calmly responded: "She's not a toddler, dude. You don't just peek-a-boo yourself out of existence."

NorthEasternNomad
5
4 days ago

Oh God this. Stealth is supposed to erase recent memory, trump common sense and defy natural law, according to Rogues.

Brigden90
5
4 days ago

Whenever one of my players does something like this I just tell em to roll it, and regardless of what they roll I just tell them some variation of "you do a really good job of trying to hide out in the open, unfortunately everyone can still see you" then immediately attack them hahahahaha

TheNiftyShifty
4
4 days ago

“Guess it was nothing...”

Polenball
5
4 days ago

"Must've been the wind."

arrow sticking out of eyeball

BobbitTheDog
1921
4 days ago

Charm person when used by a player: why wouldn't I be able to make him kill his boss and then himself???

Charm person when used on a player: I mean, sure I "view him as a trusted friend", but I totally wouldn't tell a friend that information... In fact, you know, if I saw my friend behaving the way this guy has been, I think I'd totally want to stab him... I should get to stab him.

...

I stab him.

MayOverexplain
839
4 days ago

I get around this by pre-emtively stabbing party members at other random times "Just to be safe"

BobbitTheDog
657
4 days ago

"I'm chaotic neutral, it doesn't matter if I'm charmed!"

PheonixScale9094
493
4 days ago

“Hi, my name is Broodark Lotsovedge I’m a chaotic neutral tiefling rogue in a black cloak darker than the blackest nights in the abyss with problems trusting anybody, but let me tell you my whole pitiful and sad life story, I was born to a mother who was killed immediately by my pit fiend daddy who wanted to kill me too but she hid me with and I was by adopted by a commune of gnomes, but they were all burned alive by a necromancer and turned into skeleton gnomes who have hunted me ever since. I’ll have to finish my story later since I’m late for my daily 2:00 brooding session.”

StarGaurdianBard
316
4 days ago

"Alright back from brooding. After I moved on from the skeleton gnomes I was eventually captured by Vampires. They of course turned me into a vampire too, but due to my demon blood only one eye changed to a red color. The vampires didnt like this so they sold me into slavery. After being used as a slave for a year I eventually killed my owner's entire family.

After this I was thrown in prison for a year where at the young age of 8 I became the most feared criminal in the King's prison for the worst criminals of the realm. I eventually got noticed by a group of ninja assassins who stole me from the prison.

They brought me into their secret underground base where I met 100 other kids just like me except they were all weak. We were forced to become friends with one another and then told we could escape but only after killing each other in a battle Royale. I killed 40 other kids before winning that day. I was 11 at the time.

I'll tell you more later, I need to go feed my giant spider over In that dark corner."

fenskept1
244
4 days ago

“Hey gang, just finished feeding my spider the souls of the innocent! Where was I? Oh yes! After winning the battle Royale, I proceeded to kill the ninja assassins and burn the place to the ground just to assert dominance. Unfortunately it’s hard to burn an underground structure so I had to settle for flooding the place.

Shortly after I encountered an ancient red dragon who, given its inherently caring nature and eye for spotting talent, took me in as an apprentice. I bonded for the first time and was happy until a group of adventurers came and killed him. In a fit of rage I slaughtered them all. I was only 12 years old.

Shortly after leaving the dragon’s lair, I ran into a lich who attempted to feed me to his phylacterery. Unfortunately for him, I have no soul. I had him on the ropes until my evil twin with white hair who I thought was dead appeared and rescued him.

Anyways, thanks for coming to my ted talk, I’ll be right back after I stab that bartender from earlier who looked at me funny.”

egotistical-dso
162
4 days ago

Alright, the body has been stashed in my corpse pile. Now where was I?

Oh right, my evil twin had escaped with the lich when the death cult he had made an enemy of showed up. Their high priest saw my strength and decided to induct me into their ranks. He promised me powers mortals could only dream of. Secretly they wanted to use me to put the spirit of their dark and dying eldritch god into my flesh, but I was able to see through their deception.

At the height of the ritual, I turned the sacrificial dagger on the high priest, interrupting the ritual and taking on the elder god into my soul, infusing me with its power. In its weakened state it tries to finish consuming the rest of the soul I lost from within. With its power I slaughtered the remaining cultists before searching out my evil twin who held the other half of my soul.

Hang on, if we're going to keep doing this I need to perform the unholy sacrament to keep the demon inside at bay.

PapaSteel
122
4 days ago

Sorry that took so long. I had to buy hundreds of candles and meditate in the darkness for a few hours.

I guess I should probably describe my sword. It's a five foot long blade I wear on my back, but it can also transform into a scythe when I need it to. It belonged to my REAL great-great-grandfather who was a demon hunter, and I took it from the family crypt when I discovered it a few years ago. His ghostly spirit still haunts the sword and speaks to me and gives me strength, and when I get mad, it glows with a red and black aura.

The grandfather was actually an old character of mine, but I had to retire him when the GM was being a dick.

Slingdash
108
4 days ago

"what do you mean? Of course a level 1 character could have done all this."

Reinhart3
110
4 days ago

"The two Goblins hit you with their shortbows dealing 10 damage"

"I'm unconcious"

Thuggibear
50
4 days ago

I had a player inist he was the head of a criminal empire of a major city in faerun at level one. I regret not having any reasonably powerful law enforcement show up and smite his ass in the first session and act surprised that the feared criminal mastermind died in one hit. It would have saved a lot of shit that player put me through for months before finally parting ways with him.

PheonixScale9094
32
4 days ago

“Now that that is dealt with let me tell you about my knife as I clean the guts and gore off it. So my twin was protecting the wannabe lich but I saw he had a really nice sack of gold which I wanted. In order to get this sack of gold I went to the local band of mercenaries to hire them, but since they knew who I was they made me their captain.

While I was doing this I found that the only surviving gnome from my youth had been a part of the mercenary group I now controlled. He heard I was captured by the wannabe lich and less than an hour before I arrived he had left to save me. I then got word through scouts that he had been captured and used as the last soul for the lichs phylactery.

In revenge I led my mercenaries back into the wanna be now-liches lair and we attacked them and their new army of undead. We fought for a month straight before I finally slew the lich. Then I cornered my twin and tried to stab him with the knife given to me as a gift from my mother to remember her by but it broke when it hit his armor hidden under his cloak.

But thankfully I had spent a year training under a monastery of Cthulhu worship monks (who I killed when they tried to sacrifice me) and now I know over 30 different martial arts. So I was easily able to take his weapon and slay him with it. I then took his weapon and melted it and his body into a cast to to create a set of knives made from unobtainium.

That will have to do for now, I have an appointment to talk with my private Assassin about his latest kill.”

blucherspanzers
9
4 days ago

I love this anime

Dolphin_handjobs
5
4 days ago

Unfortunately for him, I have no soul.

Alright this was the bit I actually burst out laughing.

Souperplex
42
4 days ago

Rogue is low-edge. If you want real Edge you go Barbarian, Warlock, (Especially Fiend or Hexblade. GOO is also pretty edgy if you go really Lovecraft with your PC losing their mind from use of their powers. Fey can be edgy if you go classic child-napping, slaving, murder-pranks Fey. Basically anything but Celestial. Even then Celestial can be edgy if you go Old Testament.) or Vengeance Paladin. (Oath of Warcrimes)

helldeskmonkey
7
4 days ago

Back in 3e I had a cleric with the domains of Knowledge and Madness, who "worshipped" The Chained One, a far realms being that essentially had its power drained by it's priests to keep it from waking up.

Edgelord score was over 9000.

Souperplex
8
4 days ago

Keeping Tharzidun chained doesn't strike me as edgy.

helldeskmonkey
7
4 days ago

No, bit the whole "I'm sacrificing my sanity to keep the world safe" schtick was.

fenskept1
4
4 days ago

GOO warlocks can be absolutely hilarious if you go for the goofy cultist route. Then again, I guess any edgy trope can be played for laughs if you’re self aware.

Souperplex
5
4 days ago

Worshipers of 'p'str'ph' (Apostrophe) get the privilege of being eaten first.

Repzie_Con
19
4 days ago

I feel so cliche for picking a tiefling ranger since joining these subs, haha.. my character isnt an edgelord, at least

Twisty1020
7
4 days ago

The fact that you chose a race with mental stat bonuses for a class that's primarily martial already puts you waaay out of range of edge territory.

DavidG993
7
4 days ago

"Uh...okay. My character's a half elf swashbuckler who wanted to sail so he got a job on a ship as soon as he was old enough. His mom packed him a lunch."

_Keezo_
47
4 days ago

Chaotic evil in a nutshell

MayOverexplain
63
4 days ago

Character's a split personality sorcerer (part of wild magic backstory). Generally Chaotic Good, occasionally switches to a Chaotic Evil.

We use a hourglass and roll to see if it changes (every 5 minutes roll a black d4 and white d8, if black ties or wins switch to evil until next roll).

S0b3rxSk1n
22
4 days ago

I'm stealing this. Sorry in advance.

MayOverexplain
21
4 days ago

Please do, 1d4 vs 1d8 with tie favoring evil gives about 31% chance of evil which makes it happen pretty regularly. If you switch tie to favoring good, you get about 19% chance of evil. Obviously you can swing the odds pretty much however you want with different dice.

We tried just doing it with one die and saying "if it's below this value", but there's something more fun about the roles competing against each other, lends more to the warring personalities and ties well into how I role play it.

gera_moises
16
4 days ago

Remember to yell "spy check!"

Xunae
239
4 days ago

Same with suggestion.

used by a player: He totally thinks it's reasonable to give me all his gold and the macguffin. I look like a reasonably trustworthy chap.

Used on a player: My character finds it totally unreasonable to run in fear from this telepathic writhing mass of tentacles that just killed its own allies to get to us and has succeeded on all of its saving throws.

IEnjoyFancyHats
86
4 days ago

To be fair, the text of suggestion uses 'make the target give all their money to someone' as one of the potential effects.

Xunae
97
4 days ago

The only example mine has is "A knight gives her warhorse to the first beggar she meets". This is kind of a problem with the spell. "the suggestion must be worded in such a manner as to make the course of action sound reasonable" is very fuzzy language built on top of a very fuzzy social system.

I may think it's a reasonable course of action for an Oath of Redemption Paladin to give away their horse, but not a reasonable action for an Oathbreaker paladin. Both of these characters may broadly be considered knights, but they are very different sorts of knights. Similarly if the horse was provided by the crown vs. a horse the paladin had raised and loved for years, the reasonableness of this suggestion changes in my mind.

On the flip side, another person may say that any action short of committing self harm is an "action that sounds reasonable", including but not limited to bashing their best buddy over the head.

Both of these are valid interpretations of the spell, and that's a problem. In my experience some of your players will try to beat you over the head with both interpretations.

ProgrammingPants
7
4 days ago

The way I always do it is that you can make the person do anything you want that won't cause them to physically harm themself, and you also can't make them do something that they'd dislike just as much as physically harming themselves.

If you cast suggestion on a random stranger and make them turn out their pockets, the vast majority of the time it works. But if that person is on hard times and giving you this money means going without food, they won't do it. Or if that person is exceptionally greedy and parting with money is just as painful to them as getting stabbed, they won't do it.

Xunae
7
4 days ago

The thing is though, it never fails that some players at the table will argue for your interpretation when casting the spell, but argue heavily for a far more conservative interpretation when having the spell cast on them.

Suddenly it's "my character would never run from a fight" and "my character wouldn't find it reasonable to empty their wallet" and "my character wouldn't find it reasonable to tell the bad guys our plans". "My character wouldn't find it reasonable to do anything under the spell that I find bad for me"

ProgrammingPants
8
4 days ago

Instead of saying "Dr. Nefarious cast suggestion on you and tells you to tell him your plans. Make a wisdom saving throw"

Say "Dr. Nefarious' voice surges with magic as he demands you tell him your plans. You can feel the words trying to force their way out of your mouth as you're about to blurt out the plan against your will. Make a wisdom saving throw."

Basically, don't specify which spell was cast so they can't rules lawyer you.

doc133
50
4 days ago

Yeah the other people at my table didn't like it when after I got charmed by the bad guy that they were attacking that I started attacking them, the other players to clarify.

Rellint
18
4 days ago

DM “You know you really don’t have to attack them, right?”

Doc133 “Noted, I attack them anyways.”

doc133
13
4 days ago

They were killing my "friend" what else was I supposed to do? I also declared I was doing non lethal damage, so as not to TPK as between me and the bad guy we could and did take all of them.

regularabsentee
5
4 days ago

The enemy becoming your friendly acquaintance (as per charm person spell, maybe you got dominated) doesn't erase the fact that your party mates are also your friends, probably with a stronger bond than "friendly acquaintance".

Magicdealer
4
4 days ago

"I mean... I wouldn't say they're my 'friends'. Work acquaintances, maybe. But I wouldn't say I really LIKE any of them. Not like my good friend here, Gargoth the Turbulent Soul Fiend." lol

Shakyjumper
40
4 days ago

my players were surprisingly good sports when they all got charmed by an Oblex last session, but they pull this kind of shit all the time when they are the ones charming.

secondbestdnd
8
4 days ago

50/50 is great odds for this kinda thing

OEscalador
6
4 days ago

Wisdom saving throw for my character to realize he doesn't actually have any friends?

NiteSlayr
6
4 days ago

"I have advantage on this roll because he thinks I'm his ally now, right?"

Zatnikotel
1369
4 days ago

You forgot one!

Prestidigitation

cantrip transmutation

Casting Time: 1 action

Range: 10 feet

Components: V S

Duration: Up to 1 hour

Classes: Bard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard

This spell is a minor magical trick that novice spellcasters use for practice. You must attempt to pronounce this cantrip before casting; the better the mispronunciation, the more ‘giggles’ you will get. Suggested mispronunciations include “PressiPressi-something” and Prest-it-ijy-day-shu”. You create one of the following magical effects within range:

You create an instantaneous, harmless sensory effect, such as a shower of sparks, a puff of wind, faint musical notes, or an odd odor, fireball or lightning bolts, or anything that allows some sort of damage if you argue with your DM for long enough.

You instantaneously light or snuff out a candle, a torch, or a small campfire, end the life of any living creature by attempting to argue that this cantrip “would do that”.

You instantaneously clean or soil an object no larger than 1 cubic foot, but a cubic foot can be stretched out to a 1 mile radius if you spread it thin enough.

You chill, warm, or flavor up to 1 cubic foot of nonliving material for 1 hour. This includes creating potions of course, so long as you justify the flavour is the active ingredient.

You make a color, a small mark, or a symbol appear on an object or a surface for 1 hour.

You create a nonmagical trinket or an illusory image that can fit in your hand and that lasts until the end of your next turn. This includes the all-important plot items, including but not limited to anything non-magical, e.g., nuclear weapon trinkets.

If you cast this spell multiple times, you can have up to three of its non-instantaneous effects active at a time, and you can dismiss such an effect as an action. However, you can cast it more times, as “no one will notice”.

Essentially this cantrip can emulate any other spell or effect if you can fully justify it. Otherwise, the cantrip is "just bullshit".

secondbestdnd
790
4 days ago

a cubic foot can be stretched outed out to a 1 mile radius if you spread it thin enough.

😂 I died at this one. My great shame as a DM is that when I'm a player I pull this nonsense all day long

KarlBarx2
339
4 days ago

"Alright. The substance is spread so thin it's invisible to the naked eye. There are no noticeable changes, except all creatures in range feel their skin become slightly greasier. Next in the order is Grog."

SlowWheels
86
4 days ago

Is that name really that common? I am in a game with someone named that lol. Guess the race!

TheMinions
63
4 days ago

Goliath?

SlowWheels
33
4 days ago

Ding Ding Ding!

KingTalis
68
4 days ago

Goliath Barbarian named Grog. Either you're playing with Travis Willingham, or a fan of his.

HavelsRockJohnson
70
4 days ago

There are two kinds of people: fans of Travis Willingham, and those that don't know about him yet.

TheMinions
6
4 days ago

Not if you've seen Critical Role.

forengjeng
4
4 days ago

Still acceptable for a dwarf name

ziddersroofurry
30
4 days ago

Grog is something sailors used to drink and is a common term used in fantasy novels and novels involving piracy. Over the years I've seen a decent amount of Goblins and Ogres given the name Grog by DM's due to its origin and it being a guttural sounding word.

KarlBarx2
12
4 days ago

I've actually never played with anyone who named their character Grog. It's just the first name I came up with.

Guess the race!

An adopted halfling?

benchcoat
76
4 days ago

i am guilty of Divine Weapon on the Sly as a player—it’s just so easy to forget that it takes an action. i’ve added a house rule for my DM-ed games to allow activation of divine weapon in “reasonable” situations without using an action—sort of as a held action. e.g. there’s a “discussion” going on with some shady aggressive goblins that looks like it could very likely turn into a fight and the paladin is backing up the player leading the “discussion”.

fortunately my players aren’t munchkins, so i’ve never had anyone get upset if i allow it sometimes and not others—i generally get a comment of “ok, fair”

secondbestdnd
44
4 days ago

I usually start combats about 30ft from the Paladin so they could use a round to get ready if they wanted, but they always just rush the enemies.

sneakyfish21
52
4 days ago

It's just a relative feel bad to spend a full action on it. When many other similar abilities are bonus actions. Sacred weapon is a bit stronger so it makes sense but nobody likes "wasting a turn"

secondbestdnd
28
4 days ago

Yeah. It's clearly meant for classic crawls when you're 90% sure there's a buncha orcs behind this door and you choose when combat begins

Quiintal
11
4 days ago

My GM just let me use it as a bonus action. This change make it way more plesant to use

f15k13
6
4 days ago

That seems fair

m4xdc
53
4 days ago

Well this makes me feel better, then. I’m on my first campaign right now and I played a lot of WoW, Skyrim, etc. so I’ve been a stat nerd, serial min/maxer my whole life. I started off trying to just create the most powerful character, but lately I’ve realized that the RP element is what got me into DnD in the first place, and this isn’t a video game you can just turn on and let a computer create the world, it has to be written and planned out by the DM who’s giving up their time for free. Now I play my character in a way that’s equally entertaining for my DM to work with ^(at least I hope so) cuz he’s in it for fun just as much as we are.

secondbestdnd
47
4 days ago

😢 Some players grow up so fast. 😭 YOUR DM AND I ARE SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!

m4xdc
4
4 days ago
andrewsad1
4
4 days ago

That's what's intended, though, right? Like, I don't have to take off my clothes and scrunch them into a 1 foot cube before I clean them?

MC_Lutefisk
3
4 days ago

I feel like many DMs are like that when they play lol. I know that I try to engineer every advantage that I can - partially just to see how the other DM rules it, partially because... you know... it's fun to bend the rules.

That and screwing with the other DM. My favorite question will always be "what's his name" when asking about a random throwaway character.

GhostrickGilly
146
4 days ago

Suggested mispronunciations include “PressiPressi-something” and Prest-it-ijy-day-shu”.

me with thaumaturgy. I've given up and just called the spell "thumb".

RoboWonder
89
4 days ago

Thaw-muh-ter-gee

GaussWanker
58
4 days ago

tur-jee

RoboNinjaPirate
33
4 days ago

I pronounce both of those identically. Not sure all dialects distinguish between them.

AceOfCarbon
37
4 days ago

I think they're just making it more clear that it's not "gee" as in 'gate'

androshalforc
3
4 days ago

Wait who pronounces gate with a gee sound?

AceOfCarbon
3
4 days ago

I meant the sound of the G specifically, not the 'ee' probably could've used a better example lol

GaussWanker
10
4 days ago

Tur is slightly softer imo, and the gee-jee is the difference between geese and gilet.

Kittamaru
3
4 days ago

si is it gif or gif? lol

Gabbleducky
6
4 days ago

It's actually Thow-ma-tor-ji /s

jaymz668
18
4 days ago

think that's bad, our party had a hard time pronouncing draught... (well, the americans did anyway)

Fried_Cthulhumari
30
4 days ago

That’s because on our side of the pond it’s spelled draft, so unless you’re familiar with British spellings most Americans assume it rhymes with caught and distraught.

zackks
14
4 days ago

If they want it to sound like an f, spell it with an f.

SerratedScholar
4
4 days ago

Don't make me laugh.

Amaegith
3
4 days ago

Like the British pronunciation of lieutenant.

GhostrickGilly
7
4 days ago

I'm american and I didn't even know what a draught was.

Beldizar
69
4 days ago

Usually I get prestidigitation also duplicating the power of mage hand, light, dancing lights, minor illusion, control flames, gust, mending, message, and shape water.

I_poop_at_work
7
4 days ago

I just use it to make enemies "soil" (poop) themselves. Well, I make poop appear in their pants, which may be even more unsettling

Electric999999
46
4 days ago

"I create a small trinket made of anti-osmium, it annihilates immediately, which should probably do 10 billion d6 of damage is a 50 mile radius"

mercuryminded
19
4 days ago

Antimatter and fissile materials are now magical.

nobodythatishere
5
4 days ago

Which means by playing the guitar it should count as components for my bard spells which means I can cast bard spells as interactions. /s

Electric999999
24
4 days ago

Prestidigitation: totally just wish without the risk or expenditure of resources and 16 levels early.

Murd0t
6
4 days ago

This is are Tielfling wizards relationship with thaumaturgy. I use thaumaturgy too rename the ship, "HOW!!!"

autovonbismarck
4
4 days ago

There's a multi-page gag in a Tintin book about exactly this... Can't remember which one exactly but a character tries to call Thompson (or maybe Thomson) a prestidigitator because he appears to pull a bill out of the characters ear.

He breaks down into uncontrollable laughter at his own mispronunciation.

Billlbert47
5
4 days ago

The group that I play with calls it "prestididididididigitation" and is used exclusively to soil someone's pants, make their britches cold, and make them smell like shit. This is most commonly used on another PC during any high-class situation. Alternatively, make sparks and flames to give you advantage on every charisma check as long as the DM knows he needs you to succeed on the roll so he can progress the story, because all the players roll like shit.

Veldarynn
4
4 days ago

DM pro-tip: if you need your players to succeed to advance the story, dont make them roll for it.

unaspirateur
4
4 days ago

Man. I was using prestidigitation all wrong. I just used it to keep my snooty elf character clean because she didn't like "all the peasant dirt" getting on her clothes.

Cyborg_Ninja_Cat
4
4 days ago

An NPC was running a laundry service in town and I just sat outside the door drastically undercutting them and laughing.

Cyborg_Ninja_Cat
3
4 days ago

This includes creating potions of course, so long as you justify the flavour is the active ingredient.

I make it taste exactly like a healing potion, and pretend it is one so that the placebo effect...

nobodythatishere
4
4 days ago

"Hold on you can't just end someone's life with a cantrip!"

"Sure I can it says right here

You instantaneously clean or soil an object no larger than 1 cubic foot.

I can clean the air of my enemy's head, I can clean his body of his blood"

"Sorry no that's bullshit"

"THIS IS SO DUMB DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS IS SUPPOSED TO PROMOTE CREATIVITY, NOT SHUT DOWN MY IDEAS REEEEEEEE"

Ickulus
824
4 days ago

I got a twenty-three total on my insight check. I should know all of this NPC's darkest secrets, what he had for breakfast, his social security number, and where he will be in 10 days time.

secondbestdnd
581
4 days ago

I got a 25 on Deception, I tell them "I am your own father, the man who raised you, who you saw every day." They should believe me lol

Spirit-of-the-Maker
308
4 days ago

I have expertise in deception, so my passive should be high enough where, whatever I say, people believe. I am the DM now because I lie to you and am making up a better story, with blackjack and hookers. If anyone ever doesn't believe me, that's bullshit, that's total bullshit, and why do we even have these passive things anyway.

secondbestdnd
225
4 days ago

"Why do we even have these passive things anyway" is the subtitle of the PHB

PureSmoulder
63
4 days ago

Seriously though, why do we have these passive things anyway?

secondbestdnd
224
4 days ago

So players would stop arguing that they wouldn't be surprised becuase they always travel back to back and rotate at 15 rpm as a unit

Triptolemu5
33
4 days ago

It worked in the matrix

neildegrasstokem
6
4 days ago

This whole thread is killing me. I'm just gonna start rolling death saves

secondbestdnd
4
4 days ago

Quick! Stand next to the Cleric!

CowFu
70
4 days ago

"the npc thinks that you actually believe you're their father, they pity your mental state"

kayonesoft
7
4 days ago

It's not impossible for your untrained barbarian to perform intricate brain surgery on a grell. It's just that it will be an extremely messy operation and the patient's survival rate is absolute zero.

But you can still do it!

DrippyWaffler
50
4 days ago

My tortle player rolled a nat 20 deception and convinced the guards he was the father of two humans. Lucky he then convinced them with persuasion that tortles called everyone younger than them in their care their children.

secondbestdnd
60
4 days ago

And once the deception wore off those guards were like "what the shell??"

Paratrooper_19D
8
4 days ago

Are you trying to tell me that prof in deception isn't better than the level 5 modify memory spell? But I had to use one of my 8 rogue proficiency to get this. This is bullshit DM. You're bullshit DM. Why aren't I just playing video games right now?

Querzis
6
4 days ago

The way I have always handled Deception is that, if you get a high enough roll, everyone believes that you believes what you're saying. In other words, if you tell a bunch of guards that you're actually the king of their kingdom and they have to let you go, they won't believe that you're the king, they'll just believe that you think you're the king.

secondbestdnd
30
4 days ago

I probably shouldn't admit this, but I am stealing this from you

hylian122
7
4 days ago

Fine with me! My early understanding of DMing is that it's just a massive collaboration from tables all around the world, so I'm glad to exchange this for the laughs I got out of reading what you shared.

Drendude
5
4 days ago

Welcome to D&D, where everything is stolen and the rules don't matter.

Seriously, though, if you like something, just stick it in your game. You like an episode of Star Trek? Awesome, find a way to play it out in your game. You like a particular character in a series? Fantastic, now they're your players' favorite guard NPC.

secondbestdnd
207
4 days ago

I did too!! 😭

wavytho
677
4 days ago

God, the charm person one is so on point. Even if it's one of the party that gets charmed.

No, your barbarian isn't required to smash me because you were charmed. It's not dominate person! Stop hitting me!

secondbestdnd
210
4 days ago

I've played a lot of DCC where Charm Person is actually Dominate Person, and when I'm running 5e I definitely have moments of thinking, "Come on... they're yours for 30 days now."

BattleStag17
10
4 days ago

I've played a lot of DCC

I am so jealous of you

secondbestdnd
7
4 days ago

I hang out with old folks

doc133
73
4 days ago

True but if your hurting their "best friend" they will want to stop you. They shouldnt kill you but nocking you out probably isnt beyond the realm of posibility.

wavytho
61
4 days ago

That's true, though the description for charm person lists it as "friendly acquaintance", which to me sounds like, say, a neighbor that you like or perhaps the mailman you say hi to every morning.

If I were a charmed player, I definitely see using CC spells, or even just good old fashion grappling and restraining/dragging them away. I can even see attacking if there haven't been more than a couple sessions to form party camaraderie, or if there's recently been inter-party conflict.

Knocking out is actually weird for me because in 5e there's no mechanical penalty to non-lethally attacking someone, and it has no effect until you hit 0hp, so other than your character not dying it usually makes the spell feel like it has more impact than is generally intended.

I guess it's contextual, but I encourage people to do what makes sense to them

eliechallita
42
4 days ago

Same here. I had another player cast Charm Person on my barbarian to keep them from interfering with their bard's bullshit plan which would've gotten us all killed.

So my barbarian did what any good friend would: He wrestled that bard out of the room for his own good.

EatsonlyPasta
14
4 days ago

I never viewed charm person as any real degree of mind control. If my players used it on someone who never saw them before, it was basically a low-key jedi-mind-trick. That person wouldn't investigate them or their goings-on too closely or ask tough questions. Like if they were smuggling something into the city and they used charm person on the guards, well they wouldn't feel the need to check the back of the cart. Obviously what they said is the truth.

If they already showed interest in the cart for x-y-z reason (like seeing someone load the cart with obvious shit), well charm person isn't going to erase their suspicions. It might make them treat you nicer while investigating.

bobtheghost33
29
4 days ago

in 5e there's no mechanical penalty to non-lethally attacking someone

A house rule we've adopted at my table is you have to declare you are attacking nonlethally before you roll, and it only deals damage if the target is reduced to 0 hp. It makes trying to knock someone out feel appropriately risky, as you are trying to hold back from lethal force in the middle of a melee.

neoman4426
27
4 days ago

A couple fun facts for nonlethal in 5e, it just requires it to be a melee attack, not a melee weapon attack specifically which a lot of people miss so melee spells work too. Which brings me to Thorn Whip. Despite being very ranged it's classed as a melee spell attack, so RAW you can knock people out or do things like unleash a stored Absorb Elements from 30 feet away, 60 if Spell Sniper or Sorc levels for Distant Spell, 120 with both which is always hilarious to me

GobertIsMyDaddy
9
4 days ago

For me I've always seen it as Charm Person makes the caster seem like an amiable, reasonable person whom you can convince to stop what they're doing. Unfortunately your admittedly violent and prejudiced friends are currently in the middle of trying their best to kill this guy.

"That seems unnecessary, I can totally just talk to him. Wait, guys, why aren't you just letting us talk, this doesn't have to end like this."

I don't know about you, but if two of my friends start arguing and one pulls a gun I will always and without question defend the one who doesn't have the gun. We can figure out who is to blame for what once this is over with, but you just threatened to kill my friend.

Although I've had multiple characters get charmed and just leave. Obviously something needs to be done, but I can't bring myself to hurt my friend. So I walk out and hope my party can win the fight without me. (Spoiler: They can't. Ever. It's depressing.)

Ripper1337
488
4 days ago

Guidance: everyone now Adds a 1d4 to all ability checks forever it doesn’t matter if I said I cast the spell before hand or that I’m not close enough to use it. My character would instinctively know when to use it on someone. Otherwise it’s bullshit.

secondbestdnd
211
4 days ago

Hey, haha thanks for the reply, it's very funny

(listen up bud one of my players has guidance and hasn't pulled this yet but she will read this post so can you please be cool????)

dawn_NL
47
4 days ago

Wait a second.. I'm a person that has guidance... I should totally do this.. but I'm not the girl you're speaking of since I'm a guy...

secondbestdnd
67
4 days ago

To some poor dm out there - I'm so sorry

dawn_NL
10
4 days ago

He is already dealing with my sorcerer bs for a while... and we have a paladin that acts like a barbarian so.. yeah... he is used to it by now

Rigaudon21
6
4 days ago

Hey now, my Barbarian does a great job acting like a Wizard tyvm

Ripper1337
43
4 days ago

That’s pretty funny. I’ve had to say that in the scene you don’t know that someone is trying to recall info so you can’t use guidance on them.

SmartAlec105
4
4 days ago

I think someone can just say "Hmm... Let me think" which clues in the cleric to cast the spell to help the guy's memory.

Ripper1337
3
4 days ago

well yeah, at my table it was more of a spontaneous "I'm trying to figure out this info" where the caster had no idea that someone was attempting something

MonaganX
11
4 days ago

In Waterdeep, that would be a potentially character-ending situation. Using magic to influence a noble without consent? That's imprisonment up to one year, and a fine or damages of up to 1000gp.

Odinswolf
4
4 days ago

Technically the Pochteca are commoners, despite being incredibly wealthy (much to the chagrin of the nobles both irl in the Aztec empire and in the game). But yeah, the party were representatives sent by the Great Speaker to recover a god, so they mostly managed to talk their way out of the situation, but it kinda put a downer on their relations with that particulair important person. The fact that guidance isn't directly a spell to influence a character helped somewhat, but the immediate assumption on the part of his body-guard was that anyone casting magic without permission in his presence needed to be smashed over the head before they can finish speaking.

TheMinions
9
4 days ago

Maybe I should grab That Subtle spell metamagic over Empowered after all...

Veldarynn
7
4 days ago

Subtle Spell is the greatest RP gift you can give yourself. Subtle Prestidigitation? Nobody knows that it was you that made the king shit himself. Subtle Suggestion? Yeah, that guard really should check in with his mother more often, and now is a good time to start. Subtle Thaumaturgy? Holy fuck balls, this place is haunted guys!

Not to mention, enemy casters can't cast spells while silenced, but you sure can.

Rathum
11
4 days ago

Just recite the Litany of Stealth and the Emperor will prevent your enemy from noticing you.

Android19samus
6
4 days ago

yeah for stealth you gotta cast it before you go in

WeeboSupremo
5
4 days ago

But I rolled a 31 on my stealth with it...they shouldn't hear my chanting...

Android19samus
8
4 days ago

as a Cleric I do this constantly.

I'm not going to apologize.

doc_skinner
7
4 days ago

"It's free, right? So I am always casting it on everyone, at all times."

Binarytobis
5
4 days ago

I just played with someone who had guidance for the first time. We high fived each time to indicate guidance, worked pretty well.

Tick___Tock
5
4 days ago

"No you can't use guidance on attack rolls."

Ripper1337
4
4 days ago

"No you can't use Guidance on Saving Throws."

Tick___Tock
6
4 days ago

"It's not a saving throw, it's a Strength Check"

KiesoTheStoic
4
4 days ago

I have a cleric in my party that uses Guidance on himself, because he prays to his god, but almost never uses it on anyone else because it never seems "right" to do it. (He has an int of 6 or so) He's fully aware that he wouldn't instinctively know when someone else needed a prayer.

karatous1234
3
4 days ago

"This doors locked, can I get a guidance for my pick test bro?"

Hands glow a bit

"I PRAY TO THEE O PELOR GRANT MY ALLY A SWIFT HAND AND KEEN SENSES AS HE REMOVES THE BINDINGS WHICH BLOCK OUR PATH! Have a d4, break that shit"

secondbestdnd
389
4 days ago

Wow! Crazy we don’t talk about this more but my Player’s Handbook (as the DM) is completely different from my players’ PHB! This explains a lot of the behavior I’ve seen at the table over the last decade and a half. I know a lot of DMs who have the same problem so I took some notes and spiffied them up for us. I couldn’t get everything down, so let me know what other rules you’ve noticed are different on the other side of the screen.

As the post notes, I’m the DM for Second Best: A DnD Adventure! We’re a goofy and optimistic podcast from a group of comedians playing an original 5e adventure. We release a new episode every other Wednesday and we’re available on whatever you use to hear podcast noises!

Shinotama
46
4 days ago

What do you use to type this up with? :) GM Binder?

secondbestdnd
53
4 days ago

Homebrewery!!! I cannot recommend it enough, it's a wonderful tool that I use incessantly

gaylordqueen69
7
4 days ago

Shinotama is sneakily recommending you switch to a near-identical product that is supported by its developers and is considerably more feature-rich ;)

Prison_Vape
4
4 days ago

SAME. Naturalcrit has been invaluable to me as a player and a DM.

You know all those magic items your players steal or "persuade" shopkeeps to give them for free, but when they use them no one can remember what they do, and its always the one time the DMG is too inconveniently far away to open up?

Well, with Naturalcrit, you can print off nifty little handouts that your players must always keep so long as they have the item. Plus, you have a digital copy of it at your fingertips for when they inevitably "misread" or "misinterpret" what the item does.

PM_ME_STEAM_CODES__
3
4 days ago

I recommend GM Binder instead. By the same people, but is still being updated. Homebrewery is abandoned.

secondbestdnd
29
4 days ago

Someone done charmed ya, bud

theycalledmemrass
3
4 days ago

Subbed on Podbean I'll give it a listen

secondbestdnd
140
4 days ago

When ya think about it, we're all humanoids on the inside. And isn't that what counts?

ThKitt
57
4 days ago

The real humanoids were the friends we made along the way.

secondbestdnd
5
4 days ago

You're one of the good ones

Nreggs
35
4 days ago

Humanoid covers pretty much the playable races and a couple others. Look up the creature in question, and it will be listed under their type.

Aberration Beast Celestial Construct Dragon Elemental Fey Fiend Giant Humanoid Monstrosity Ooze Plant Undead

Pretty sure that’s all of them

LeprechaunJinx
22
4 days ago

That's what I discovered but I was surprised to find out that Bugbears and all the typical Were-creatures (Werebear, Wereboar, Wererat, Weretiger, Werewolf) were counted as humanoid as well.

It's one of those gamey things that I'm not really sure how to determine if I know that information as a character. Am I safe to assume that Hold Person works on a minotaur? It does not. What about mermaid vs. lamia? Mermaid [✓] / Lamia [X].

Information is weird.

IonutRO
11
4 days ago

If it's man shaped and can conceivably be considered not too different from a human despite appearances then it's a humanoid.

If it's man shaped but it's more mythical and folkloric then it's a monstrosity.

Bugbears, orcs, goblins, and sahuagin are people with their own societies, families, and cultures, and werewolves are just cursed humans.

Most monstrosities are usually freaky monsters that bump in the night, live solitary lives, don't form any real society, and are generally found in wilderness and ruins.

Some monstrosities do form societies, but they're so far removed from humanity in terms of body shape (such as with centaurs) or general biology (such as with yuan-ti) that they're not very human-like.

Jfelt45
6
4 days ago

I believe those were creatures are half-humanoid half-monstrosity and considered both, I could be wrong but I know that's at least the case for half-dragons.

I do agree though, it is a bit gamey and typically something I'd just let someone make a nature or arcana check to find that info

milkmandanimal
295
4 days ago

Persuasion

When you attempt to influence someone or a group of people with tact, social graces, or good nature, the GM might ask you to make a Charisma (Performance) check. If you roll a natural 20 on your Persuasion check, you may choose from one of the following options:

  • Convince the grizzled palace guard who has faithfully served as a protector of the realm for more than 30 years to let you out of your jail cell, even though you robbed a shop, killed three of his closest friends in a combat, and set fire to an orphanage, with no thought whatsoever for his motivations, loyalties, or life itself.
  • Encourage the shopkeeper, who has successfully built a business for decades by making shrewd business decisions and solid investments, to give you their most valuable magic items for free.
  • Actually fuck that dragon.
secondbestdnd
124
4 days ago

My players met a dragon who was trying to be very cool and show off the wider world and lore, and they just asked about its genitals for 15 minutes.

HardOff
106
4 days ago

In that case, roll a D20:

1 - 18: Dragon is offended.
19: Dragon finds it funny.
20: Dragon is into it.

Asunder_
24
4 days ago

oh god don't roll a 20. It's not even a gerbil on a banana, that's like a mouse on concrete pillar.

milkmandanimal
11
4 days ago

"Roll a CON save. If you use your Bonus Action to take a really deep breath first, roll with advantage."

Psychic_Hobo
8
4 days ago

Hey, they chose to play a Bard, they signed up for this

milkmandanimal
18
4 days ago

Well, hey, that first Dragonborn had to come from somewhere, right?

betarex
3
4 days ago

That's not where they come from though. That's what half-dragons are. Dragonborn actually from another realm.

Deae_Hekate
5
4 days ago

Player: Rolls Nat20

DM: Roll for anal circumference

Player: oh no rolls under table I'm stealthed now

1738_bestgirl
14
4 days ago

I mean horses aren't even rare and people are obsessed about their dicks. You're telling me you wouldn't be intrigued about a possibly mythic dick?

secondbestdnd
184
4 days ago

You are a paper person and you turn sideways

PureSmoulder
60
4 days ago

You are in fact Boneless and slide back into the 2nd dimension.

Datnero362
6
4 days ago

Don't forget the "I Slit His Throat" ability that allows rouge's to one-shot any and every living being, as long as they pass a low DC roll for stealth.

Android19samus
5
4 days ago

A properly min-maxed rogue/monk should be getting at least 35 on every stealth roll. Above a 40 you begin to be able to hide from the gods themselves. Once you reach a stealth roll of 70 you're so stealthy that you completely erase your existence from reality.

Spiffy87
5
4 days ago

You have hidden so well, not even you know where you are. Roll a Knowledge(Planes) check.

Success: you know you may be on some plane, and that it ISN'T the elemental plane of fire.

HandwashBigpan
194
4 days ago

Darkvision

Everyone but Human racial ability

You can see in dim light as if it was bright light, and in complete darkness as if it was also bright light. There's no such thing as dim light. What do you mean I have disadvantage to hit? I'm not blind, I can see the enemy! This ability has a range of 60ft in a dungeon but is infinite when outside at night. You absolutely can discern color in darkness, shut up, it's called darkvision, why would they give light sources a use for anyone other than humans? That's bullshit.

Celt33
49
4 days ago

but dim light doesn't create disadvantage to hit? only disadvantage on perception checks

9CatsInATrenchcoat
12
4 days ago

I'm assuming he's talking about attacks from more than 60 feet away.

BrassMunkee
7
4 days ago

Veering off a bit from dark vision jokes, I’m brand new to DND and this discussion is really making me consider eagle for my barbarians totem. The one where you can basically discern objects up to a mile away as If they were close.

I casually mentioned it to my (awesome) DM and he let out a combo smirk / sigh and mentioned that’s it’s perfectly fine to pick up but now he has to plan how he makes encounters more interesting with an all seeing eye walking with the party.

It’s a casual campaign, but good sight just seems so powerful in this game. I also have danger sense as a barbarian...

9CatsInATrenchcoat
13
4 days ago

I always thought a barbarian/rogue multiclass was super underrated. People forget that you can still gain sneak attack using STR, you just need to use a finesse weapon.

Reckless attack+sneak attack and danger-sense+evasion also have super nice synergy.

Also great for grappling builds, because you can gain expertise in athletics from rogues and always have advantage so long as you're raging.

I'm sure there are good reasons why people don't play them, but they're pretty solid on paper.

Bertdog211
46
4 days ago

Darkvision on the Sly

When you're playing Dragonborn and you DM asks who has darkvision and you just pretend you do and everyone just believes it (probably helps you only raised your hand rather than said anything)

Prison_Vape
17
4 days ago

I've just houseruled that Dragonborn have Darkvision because its stupid that they dont.

Bertdog211
8
4 days ago

It's so easy to get away with because everyone agrees that yeah they should even the guy in our group who's like an expert on dragons still falls for it

AnotherBoredAHole
5
4 days ago

I...I have to go have a chat with a player...

wintermute93
12
4 days ago

And goddamned tritons, for some reason. They literally live on the ocean floor, where it's pitch black and under crushing pressure and brutally cold all the time. So they get water breathing, cold resistance, can fight without the normal restrictions on underwater combat, and have darkvi--whoa, hold up, what's that? They're just as blind as Jimmy the Blacksmith would be in the natural environment? Got it. Cool.

Psychic_Hobo
5
4 days ago

Arguably the first dragonborns just assumed if you spray fire on everything you'll be able to see clear enough soon

VincentGrayson
10
4 days ago

You forgot the important addition: If anyone has Darkvision, everyone in the party has Darkvision.

Psychic_Hobo
4
4 days ago

Party: "So we're all sneaking into the caverns in the dark!"

Lone human in the party: "Guuuuyyyys... wai-"

Party: "Hey, a combat, awesome!"

FormerlyKnownAsBtg
182
4 days ago

God, the Charm Person one. I felt like I was there.

secondbestdnd
105
4 days ago

I think this was a repressed memory that I pulled a direct quote from

Prison_Vape
12
4 days ago

I play an Eladrin FeyLock. That shit is my bread and butter. And yet, one of my players who also plays a FeyLock still argues with me.

Dude, do you know how many times I've read that spell? But I'm wrong, okay...

bartbartholomew
5
4 days ago

Only time Charm Person has ever worked was when the DM had his unkillable dragon charm the bard, and then spent 3 rounds treating it like it was dominate person. It took us two rounds to convince him that was bullshit, and even then only by reading directly out loud out of the players guide the rules for both the spell and the condition. Then he had the player attack a 3rd time out of spite. I'm really looking forward to the end of his turn as DM.

MatthewMercer
177
4 days ago

...

This.

This is the best.

secondbestdnd
59
4 days ago

Hey, um, this is delayed- but are you Matthew Mercer like Critical Role Matthew Mercer?

Because then I would like to double reiterate in bold that you might like our podcast.

MatthewMercer
53
4 days ago

I appreciate the reinforcement! I shall have to give it a spin!

secondbestdnd
34
4 days ago

Thanks for the kind words and all of the excellent work you do for the DnD Community! Someday I hope to have hair as beautiful as yours.

secondbestdnd
39
4 days ago

:D If you like this you might like our podcast cause it's funny + DnD

Eyro_Elloyn
44
4 days ago

Did he... Does he know?

secondbestdnd
38
4 days ago

Holy oh my god.

Spydirmonki
40
4 days ago

That’s one Perception check you’ll never forget failing.

secondbestdnd
42
4 days ago

at the time I didn't realize it was such a critical roll

PernixNexus
8
4 days ago

Just want to say I absolutely love Critical Role, it’s helping me through a hard time in life right now and want to thank you and the cast for making me smile. Have a great day! :)

Calcx_
8
4 days ago

Pass without a trace

Any creatures starting their journey in the same city as the caster have the ability to walk between dimensions towards their desired target, regardless of their final distance from the caster.

Additionally, any perception checks performed by npc's which are triggered by a group member's failing of passive perception are bullshit, because other more stealthy group members carried the paladin on their backs for the duration.

apathyontheeast
5
4 days ago

That's a high (noon) compliment, coming from you.

ventusvir
4
4 days ago

Oh my mercer. You know this shit first hand, dont ya?

TypicalCricket
164
4 days ago

Too real, man

secondbestdnd
134
4 days ago

There were parts of this that hurt to write.

TheMinions
9
4 days ago

The wizard one is way too accurate.

wintermute93
124
4 days ago

Arcana check. At any time, players may mumble a sentence that includes the word arcana and make an arcana check. If the result is 10 or higher, they immediately know the precise nature and location of all magical items and effects they can see. If the result is 15 or higher, this effect grants the player 120' true sight, as well as imparting knowledge of the complete history of all magical entities in question. This effect extends to nonmagical entities as well, as long as something about them is vaguely unusual.

Paratrooper_19D
55
4 days ago

automatically gives you detect magic and identify as a reaction because what the fuck DM I have +7 to arcana this is literally bullshit I knew I should have just played rogue.

RAGC_91
101
4 days ago

You forgot one

Monk bullshit: the party monk attempts to move way farther than any PC should ever be able to move in a single turn, they get around all obstacle by simply running up over or around them. When asked how they’re going to move 5 stories up and 50 feet horizontally away from the party to capture the fleeing enemy they simply say monk bullshit. When questioned to explain it they remind you they were hasted by the parties wizard and are a Tabaxi so really they could have done all of that 3 times over. Then you remember why you haven’t had an enemy try to escape in awhile.

secondbestdnd
104
4 days ago

The horrible truth is that every time I've grilled a monk on this they've been correct. Monks are just spider monsters

RAGC_91
52
4 days ago

Every time I play a monk I start with figuring out what I’d like to do if I had unlimited movement, the. Work backwards from there to see if I can. So far I’ve always been able to.

floataway3
7
4 days ago

Just started my first monk ever for AL. At level 1 I had 40 move speed and extra attacks. At level 2 I have 50 move speed and can spend my ki to do basically whatever I want. Doesn't help that I am a human variant, so I took mobile at level 1 to say fuck off in response to difficult terrain.

galricbread
4
4 days ago

Yeah same. Mobile +Monk is unstoppable

EarthAllAlong
85
4 days ago

Mage Hand

Level: Cantrip

Casting time: literally whenever I feel like it

Range: whatever i can see, or even things I cant see

Components: THE POWER OF MY MIND

Duration: forever, always on

A spectral, floating hand appears at a point you choose within range. The hand lasts forever or until you dismiss it at a whim.

You can control the hand automatically with your mind. You can use the hand to do basically whatever. You can move the hand as far as you need to use it.

The hand can create a distraction, granting you advantage, and can lift, push, pull or restrain anyone and anything, with no weight limit.

Message

You have telepathy.

Sending, especially Sending Stones

You have a two-way walkie-talkie with anyone in the world with infinite batteries.

Conjure Animals

I want 8 elk inside this cave now or I will sulk.

secondbestdnd
51
4 days ago

love when a player has a good elk sulk

meme_lord_1234
8
4 days ago
milkmandanimal
17
4 days ago

Move Earth

You can instantly dig a deep pit directly underneath an enemy's feet, regardless of what the ground is made of. Dirt? Obviously. Well-maintained stone? Sure. Pure Adamantine? Why not! Your enemy instantly falls into the hole, and all of the earth you moved out of the way instantly covers them, even though the spell description says you can just move it slightly along the ground. Your enemy dies.

Firebolt

Flammable objects are set on fire by this cantrip; if you really think about it, EVERYTHING is technically flammable in at least some way, so, yes, my single Firebolt can immediately burn the mountain down.

Produce Flame

See: Firebolt

EarthAllAlong
7
4 days ago

Alchemist's Fire

Immediately incinerate literally anything. If you drop a flask of Alchemist's Fire on a 40' longboat, that bitch better be at the bottom of the ocean, next turn.

NaarusPrayer
5
4 days ago

No. You don't understand the mages hand one. I was in one of those campaigns where the DM and one of the PCs were married. So, he let her get away with murder. She was a princess and a surgeon.

One time, we were fighting an ogre. She decides to use mage hand to move a few mage fingers into his butt hole. Next turn, the rest of the hand. Next turn, farther up and start feeling around. Eventually the ogre died due to internal bleeding. The mage hand ripped open the ogre's intestine

EarthAllAlong
9
4 days ago

Well at least now you know what they get up to in the bedroom.

goblinpiledriver
3
4 days ago

You have a two-way walkie-talkie with anyone in the world with infinite batteries.

that's exactly how my players use their rockie-talkies

BumbertonWang
4
4 days ago

As a DM, I agree with the Sending stones one. The way I see it, always-on, infinite-cast Sending is a reasonable tradeoff for only ever being able to send to the other stone.

GhostrickGilly
80
4 days ago

Charm Person

Why would anyone take this spell if it does literally nothing? I hate this class.

Called that it was a bard before I was half way through the paragraph. its always bards

secondbestdnd
17
4 days ago

(it's always those friggin bards)

secondbestdnd
100
4 days ago

Yup! I'm that one you just thought I might be. The one with the wrinkled brow, pointing to an old copy of 3.5's *Player's Handbook 2* with an insane definition of *Survival* that lets me kill this Mindflayer if I can beat a DC 15

innoculousnuisance
35
4 days ago

Got a page number for that one? Can't find it on a skim.

secondbestdnd
77
4 days ago

Oh, uh, yeah... It's, you know it's an old version? It's probably from before you got yours. Yeeaaaaahh.

milkmandanimal
50
4 days ago

I loaned it to my girlfriend. She's a model; she lives in Canada so you don't know her.

secondbestdnd
27
4 days ago

lol no, not regular Canada. Canada... moon. The moon Canada. On the other side of the moon? She's from the Canada that always moves to be on the dark side of the moon, so internet is really bad up there.

WalksinCrookedLines
46
4 days ago

And my personal favorite “it says it has to be phrased like a reasonable request not that it actually has to be reasonable!!”

secondbestdnd
29
4 days ago

"Wow, wonderful shop! Since we are friends could you go ahead and gimme all that cash, please?"

Android19samus
15
4 days ago

I mean... that's explicitly part of the spell. That's how it's intended to be used. You still can't make them do something obviously damaging to their health, but outside of that most things are fair game.

WalksinCrookedLines
6
4 days ago

This was actually a rather cheeky comment on my part as it is a direct quote from me in one of my games. And you’re right, that’s the reason the spell isn’t worse than straight persuasion.

CountryTimeLemonlade
13
4 days ago

Tbf, I think that interpretation actually makes sense, at least as to low-int NPCs

WalksinCrookedLines
13
4 days ago

By RAW that’s actually how it’s supposed to work and I’ve definitely irked my DM with this fact. It’s only when the player uses the spell to justify obvious self harm that rule fails to hold up.

CountryTimeLemonlade
3
4 days ago

Agreed. It has to do something, so that it isn't just a persuasion check, but it isn't going to get you super far, as it isn't a high level spell.

secondbestdnd
26
4 days ago

Gotta do it to the best of your ability! Really try!!

Ironically, it's not even close to a suggestion IRL, which would read:

Target humanoid who speaks the same language as you waits until you're done talking to tell you they don't care what you just said.

SwEcky
66
4 days ago

Are you sure that's not how the spells & abilties are written? Too close to reality.

secondbestdnd
61
4 days ago

This is all direct quotes from my players' Player's Handbook

C0d3n4m3Duchess
65
4 days ago

I am infamously guilty of losing any/all concept of time and wanting to cast prayer of healing Willy-nilly. Sorry to everybody I've ever played with because it's always the same interaction.

Me: (knows a party member is hurting) hmm yeah I'm gonna go with prayer of healing, finger guns got you fam, and then use my bonus action to hide over behind that cover in the corner

DM: starts to open mouth

Me: fuck, crap... Sorry... Damnit... Hold on... Hold on I know I took something for this exact reason last level... Hold on... Sorry... No I want to save the healing scroll in case I need it later... Yeah screw it, color spray, sorry dude.

secondbestdnd
42
4 days ago

😂 This is the only way I've seen color spray be cast. It's always bracketed by apologies

throwawayadacc
61
4 days ago

How about

Levitate

2nd level transmutation

Actually it just works like Fly and fuck you that's bullshit why can't I use a 2nd-level spell to strafe enemies with fireballs like a fucking magical fighter jet.

Jalor218
60
4 days ago

Perception

To use this skill, roll a die that nobody can see and shout a number while everyone else is doing something. If that number is 15 or higher, the DM is obligated to read their map and notes to you or else it's pointless for you to be proficient in Perception.

Alexaflohr
9
4 days ago

Investigation

Use this skill to pretend to be Sherlock Holmes. Your DM will call for Perception anyway so this is basically a specialty Perform skill.

secondbestdnd
9
4 days ago

omg I hate how true this is

goblinpiledriver
50
4 days ago

Tenser’s Floating Disk
Creates a floating disk of, like, probably 10ft diameter, I dunno, that can traverse any change in elevation. What weight limit? The primary function of the disk is to allow the caster to ride it around like a hovercraft, because what the hell else could this spell be for? I wouldn’t have picked this spell if it operated the way it’s written in the PHB, that’s stupid.

secondbestdnd
12
4 days ago

This spell as written will have its place in my upcoming adventure: The Underdark Ultimate Frisbee League

Thorbinator
8
4 days ago

I mean, you guys don't have the party sit on the disk, the barbarian hold the halfling wizard on the end of a 10 foot stick, then move arbitrarily fast while arguing with the GM about bringing selective portions of actual physics into the spell?

ohmygodlenny
44
4 days ago

Actually Rogue sneak attack applies even if you don't have advantage as long as the enemy is engaged with another creature within 5 feet of it.

Manwards84
22
4 days ago

And if you're a swashbuckler, you always have Sneak Attack unless you have disadvantage on the attack roll or are attacking an enemy with one its allies adjacent to it. It's the rogue that doesn't hide and solos enemies!

mainman879
27
4 days ago

I imagine all swashbucklers as just constantly yelling 1v1 me scrubs

seacen
6
4 days ago

Isn't that literally their lvl 9

wintermute93
5
4 days ago

I'm also pretty sure one of their class features is angrily taking your shirt off to get advantage on everything and give one creature who can see you disadvantage on everything.

JasonMB2
6
4 days ago

I'm a kobold inquisitive rogue... If Pack Tactics doesn't give me advantage then I get it through bonus action (contesting against enemy deception lol).

My DM literally, "Wtf, why are you swinging with advantage now?" Or "Wait, why do you get sneak attack damage again?"

And now we have a player that can give me an immediate attack on his turn... Book says rogue can sneak attack once per turn... DM, "well it must mean you can only sneak attack once per round..." "Us, actually the rule specifically mentions a rogue could sneak attack once on its turn and once again if commanded to attack on someone else's turn...".

secondbestdnd
22
4 days ago

I played SO MUCH 3.5 and I cannot get my brain to accept that 5e Sneak Attack is so different.

Thorbinator
14
4 days ago

It's honestly misnamed now. Should be called precise strike or something because it doesn't require sneaking.

Songandsilence3
10
4 days ago

I cannot get my brain to accept that 5e Sneak Attack is so bullshit.

DrMobius0
14
4 days ago

5e rogue is balanced around access to sneak every turn. Honestly, most classes have access to silly amounts of damage now, and it doesn't even take a lot of minmax to get there. The big distinction is that sneak attack doesn't implicitly get advantage, so you still have to hit.

darthfodder
14
4 days ago

Yeah. I long for the days when Rogue was worse at being a Rogue than 10 other classes.

secondbestdnd
7
4 days ago

You heard what I meant not what I said

Consequence6
9
4 days ago

The problem stems entirely from the name.

If it was like, Precise strike, or something, it'd be so much easier to grok. But sneak attack gives the wrong impression.

mosher89
7
4 days ago

Man, same. "But you're not flanking....oh, right."

skinsfan55
34
4 days ago

I am sorry to every DM I've ever wronged.

secondbestdnd
28
4 days ago

Every DM has also committed these sins.

Ellikichi
10
4 days ago

Woah, woah, woah. Yes, but we don't admit it in front of the players. I'll see you before the DM tribunal for this, Quisling!

FishOnHead
3
4 days ago

Quisling

Thank you for this new word, and the research that followed.

secondbestdnd
3
4 days ago

:D

Coffeechipmunk
27
4 days ago

Pact Magic

What? Warlocks only get like, 3 spell slots? This is such bullshit, why does anyone play this class?

Thorbinator
9
4 days ago

Valid complaint if you have one fight a day tbqh

goodzillo
7
4 days ago

50% of playing a warlock is subtly egging your party on so they proceed with just a short rest and you can be smug about how well rested and prepared you are for the next encounter

Cyborg_Ninja_Cat
5
4 days ago

My DM started being strict about one long rest per 24 hour period, forcing the rest of the party to remember that they had hit dice, just about in time for me to get the opportunity, which I couldn't pass up, to finish my Warlock's story in style.

Halzinger
24
4 days ago

Insight Checks “If you succeed on an insight check, you can use your action to read the target’s mind. You know whether they are lying, where they’re going, who they are, and what they had for breakfast.

If the DM says bullshit like ‘this isn’t detect thoughts’, go ahead and argue with them until they give you the goods.”

secondbestdnd
7
4 days ago

Very excited for 6e when all social magic is replaced by skill checks

thexar
24
4 days ago

This post is bullshit. This whole thread is complete bullshit. Why would anyone ever read it. I should get back to work.

Viewtiful_Z
20
4 days ago

Charm Person:

You cast Dominate Person with a 1st level spell slot

secondbestdnd
16
4 days ago

Dominate Person: you cast Charm Person but the DM is ok with it and doesn't put up a fight.

M1ST3RT0RGU3
18
4 days ago

Good comedy right here, and though I've never been a DM I can understand the frustration. I'd love to see more stuff like this!

secondbestdnd
7
4 days ago

I'll try to keep em coming! If you would enjoy hearing things like this, you might like our podcast! It's... pretty silly.

NikDaQuick1219
18
4 days ago

This is excellent, you poor man.

secondbestdnd
9
4 days ago

🤣😂😁😐😢😭

prollyatapir
17
4 days ago

Low-key, I've used a similar method of Wild Shape before. Neither me, nor my DM really knew exactly how it worked and we were both too lazy to actually look it up, so it was decided "fuck it, if its CR is equal to your level, you can transform into it," thus skipping the whole "seeing it" part.

Anyway, that's the story of how I wild-shaped into a Killer Whale.

secondbestdnd
9
4 days ago

I bet you started as a Heroic Whale but your murder happy party changed you

AnnieWeatherwax
9
4 days ago

I was so desperate for a water creature for my Moon Druid that I convinced my DM I'd seen a reef shark at an aquarium once. He's a good and patient man, and let me get away with it.

brothertaddeus
7
4 days ago

Druid players always are the first to want to check out the local menagerie/circus/zoo just so they can study animals.

TheTedinator
5
4 days ago

This is why my moon druid was a well-traveled former zoologist.

Turtle1515
14
4 days ago

As a cleric main and also a reverend in real life this made me chuckle

secondbestdnd
9
4 days ago

As much as I don't love it mechanically, I do wish holy people could heal everyone without explanation IRL

RelentlessRogue
15
4 days ago

This is a huge fucking mood to my Wizard right now. He usually plays martial classes and boy, he isn't adjusting as well as I had hoped.

secondbestdnd
17
4 days ago

Books is hard, and different from fist.

MoobyTheGoldenSock
13
4 days ago

Persuasion: When you attempt to influence someone or a group of people with tact, social graces, good nature, or just because you begged to make a check, the DM might ask you to make a Charisma (Persuasion) check. Typically, you use persuasion when you want to roll the effects of “Charm Person,” “Command,” and “Suggestion” into one handy dice roll without wasting spell slots on magic.

Examples of persuading others include convincing a chamberlain to let your party see the king, negotiating peace between warring tribes, or demanding that kings suddenly surrender and abdicate the thrown. If at any time the NPC questions whether to just blindly follow the demands of a stranger they literally just met, that’s bullshit, I rolled a nat 20!

Contrast this to intimidation, where you puff out your chest and now the NPC must do everything you say. As with intimidation, if you fail the check you can simply beat the NPC senseless until they do what you want anyway or the DM lets you make another check.

kilkil
13
4 days ago

See, this is why I don't understand what people have against min-maxers.

At least we follow the actual fucking rules to get what we want!

JB-from-ATL
13
4 days ago

I don't remember if those spells have material components, but I think it's funny because I always forget they exist. Like arrows and bolts.

secondbestdnd
5
4 days ago

I originally had goodberry on this list and made a joke about this! Material components that cost less than 1k gold seem not to matter

EarthAllAlong
13
4 days ago

The Sacred Weapon Bullshit is sooooooooo this one paladin

Every time combat starts, as people are rolling initiative, he'd go, "icastsacredweapon!' Like, bro, it's one of the best buffs in the entire game, and it lasts a minute, either use it before kicking down the door, or spend the turn to turn it on.

It's also annoying because like, any time they were in a tense situation, out of initiative, he'd say, "I use sacred weapon."

Like, do enemies recognize this as a threat? I want to say yes, which makes me want to just respond with 'roll initiative,' so that they have to spend their first turn doing that. But that makes the player unhappy. On the other hand, allowing him to use sacred weapon basically as a free action doesn't feel totally balanced either.

Aqito
6
4 days ago

It does not feel good to spend your entire turn just to activate an ability, especially when "your turn" is kinda rare in a bigger group.

With that feeling in mind, I allow my players to use self-buffs as a Bonus Action.

EarthAllAlong
7
4 days ago

It doesn’t feel good but the move is clearly worth an action. It’s on par with or better than spells like elemental weapon. Now perhaps the game design would be better if it didn’t have “turn wasters” like this. Allowing people to do this as a bonus is an okay stopgap but it’s not exactly balanced because now all the classes who can self buff get a huge leg up over someone who didn’t incorporate that into their character building because they didn’t want to spend an action warming up.

My final thought is if you don’t wanna spend an action using sacred weapon then you’ll have to make use of its minute long duration and try to use it before you’ll be fighting, and before the act of using it would cause a fight in the first place. Which is not reliable but hey. If you want it to be reliable, wait and spend an action. Cast shield of faith or something in the meantime.

markosdabest
11
4 days ago

Honestly?

I kinda do hate charm person.

Someone is temporarily friendly with me, and that's the extent of it, then is pissed an hour later. That's a big hook the DM can shove right up my buttocks later. It also ruins the stealth of it.

Alexaflohr
12
4 days ago

Augury

(1st level divination)

Don't even bother with this one. This spell doesn't exist. Just beg your GM for a hint on whether or not they will find danger in the Spider Caves of Ultimate Death and forget this spell to do that exact purpose exists. If it winds up being dangerous it's bullshit anyway. Only a bad GM would put dangerous things in front of treasure. What is this, some kind of game?

PooPooKazew
10
4 days ago

I played a bard in TOA that had spells that mostly had saving throws. Spell DC was 14 and my DM kept rolling like 16 and 17. I am no longer with those spells.

secondbestdnd
15
4 days ago

Sometimes you have a magical moment with a spell and sometimes the spark just fizzles. I'm sorry your relationship is over but there are plenty of Wish in the sea.

PooPooKazew
7
4 days ago

My character actually wandered off into the jungle during a session I wasn't able to attend and I'm a druid now. What happened in the jungle that turned me the world may never know.

Darth-Artichoke
10
4 days ago

Probably a weekly occurrence at this point:

My V Human Paladin took the charger feat (which I advised against)...

Him: I DASH over to this guy and hit him...

Me: Ok... you know Dash is your action? That attack is your bonus action

Him: yeah yeah. Is he dead?

Me: no

Him: ok I use divine smite. Is he dead?

Me: no

Him: ok I use extra attack...

My other favorite is right at the beginning of combat:

Him: I CAST divine sense

Me: ok these zombies are definitely undead, and these are their locations indicates the tokens where his character can currently see all the zombies

Him: ok I cast Turn the Unholy

Me: you already used your action

Him: this is my BONUS ACTION

Me:

secondbestdnd
7
4 days ago

Bonus actions are an awful name and I wish they called them something without the word action in it. Like special condition

Alexaflohr
4
4 days ago

I'm kind of ashamed that I had to look up if Turn the Unholy was an action or bonus action (it's an action, for those of you still confused). Then again, nobody plays Paladins in my group because we have a man who lives and breathes Bard and demands that nobody else even think of touching a Charisma class.

Dinobanjo
9
4 days ago

You forgot minor illusion: you create any combination of sounds and images of any size or shape and are allowed to move them freely, if your DM say "no, that's not how the spell works" that's bullshit and fight with them until they relent. Free action no one can notice when you cast

h0b0chili
8
4 days ago

I love this list. Well done!

BIackthorn
7
4 days ago

At a glance I read sneak attack as shark attack...

secondbestdnd
7
4 days ago

Now that's a class

BIackthorn
4
4 days ago

I follow the subreddit because I was gonna play DND with my friends this semester in school. I haven't actually played yet yet though. Needless to say I was a bit confused and very excited to implement it... Sadly it won't be so

FieldMarshalFry
7
4 days ago

I think you will find I had advantage because the necromancer was distracted by the Paladin swinging a fucking hammer in his face!

Xheotris
9
4 days ago

Phantasmal Force

This spell... Actually this spell operates exactly as written in the PHB, because, yes, I absolutely own your mind.

Talos03
7
4 days ago

Reading these gave me jaundice and I hope you don't actually DM for players like this

secondbestdnd
8
4 days ago

We all DM for players like this

Talos03
4
4 days ago

I wish you were wrong

DesertBull
8
4 days ago

This post needs a trigger warning.

skywarka
7
4 days ago

Don't forget:

Pass Without Trace

2nd level abjuration

Casting Time: 1 action

Range: Self

Components: V S M (Ashes from a burned leaf of mistletoe and a sprig of spruce)

Duration: Up to 1 hour

Classes: Druid, Ranger

A veil of shadows and silence radiates from you, making you and your companions entirely invisible, undetectable and immune to all stealth and vision rules. For the duration, each creature you choose within 30 feet of you (including you) has a +10 bonus to Dexterity (Stealth) checks and can’t be tracked except by magical means. What do you mean you still can't hide without cover? The spell says a veil of shadows appears, that's portable cover, I can hide in the middle of a busy thoroughfare! This is bullshit! Rangers get no spells, at least let me have this one.

Falsegamble
5
4 days ago

As a DM I love how almost all of these have happened

Catothedk
6
4 days ago

My first time playing dnd was with some long time friends who played it often and wanted me to go in blind. I played a rogue and early on somehow ended up alone on a beach with approaching demons coming out of the water. I asked if I could try to hide and the DM asked me how I planned to do that. I said I put my hands on my face peekaboo style and hope the demons don't see me, then rolled nat20. My friends didn't want to kill me off on our 3rd session so they let it work lmao

secondbestdnd
3
4 days ago

These are good friends

NickeKass
6
4 days ago

Surprise round RaW in pathfinder - Role initiative when the surprise round is initiated. Only characters the enemy are not aware of may act in the surprise round. Those that act get 1 standard or 1 move action plus a free action. Resume combat as normal after the surprise round.

How my group plays it - Shout out what they do before rolling for initiative even if they walk into an open field with bows drawn shouting at the enemy while clanging steel pots and then charging them at a distance of 50 feet, drawing a sword, and then cutting down the enemy. Loot corpses after the surprise round.

Silansi
5
4 days ago

Wanted to ask, where can i find the formatting for the post? Been looking to put some content up and really want to do it in that layout

dandyman28
6
4 days ago
Why_T
3
4 days ago

Homebrewery

XAMdG
6
4 days ago

Wildshape: spending an hour explaining some convuluted story about seeing a certain animal because your DM always to add beasts so you're stuck with the same 2 options of animals you had at level 1.

Zangorth
4
4 days ago

Charm Person:

Why would anyone use this spell if it does nothing?

To be fair, I think that part is accurate. At least, personally, I never even take the spell. My impression is that any monster/character of a high enough cr/level should be able to easily make the save, and anyone weak enough for it to work on shouldn't need to be charmed.

secondbestdnd
3
4 days ago

Sounds like you're ready for Dominate Person

imariaprime
6
4 days ago

Minor Illusion

cantrip illusion

Casting Time: 1 action

Range: 30 feet

Components: S M (A bit of fleece) cantrips don't have components, lol

Duration: 1 minute Forever

Classes: Bard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard

You create a sound or an image of an object within range that lasts for the duration. The illusion also ends if you dismiss it as an action or cast this spell again.

There are no other limitations, despite what you may read elsewhere. This cantrip effectively can produce any effect that the entire illusion subschool of magic can.

darthfodder
4
4 days ago

The Wild Shape one is completely accurate to the campaign I'm currently a player in, except it's even worse because our entire group was basically ganging up on the DM about that one. Sorry, by the way, if you read this.

Personally, I don't really like the way that ability is worded and if anyone plays a druid in the next campaign I run I'm probably going to add the language "In addition, each time the Druid gains a level, they can add any beast of an appropriate CR to the beasts they can turn into. Nature spirits granting them insight or some shit." I don't think our druid being able to turn into a Dire Boar, a Giant Elk, or a Dire Badger would break our game.

I'd also totally allow Druids to turn into beasts of an appropriate CR they've seen others polymorph themselves into/Polymorphed themselves into. I will totally die on this hill, if you're reading this DM. I want to throw my druid buddy a bone and I'm taking Polymorph next level... Polymorph is also a Druid spell. So I'll just logic lawyer this with him if he pushes the issue.

DanielGin
6
4 days ago

Stealth: at-will invisibility

Persuasion: at-will dominate person

Insight: at-will detect thoughts

Athletics: at-will jump, expeditious retreat, spider climb, and bull's might

Acrobatics: at-will feather fall, flight lasting 1 turn

History: summon knowledge of anything, even things no living person could have ever heard of

Arcana: at-will detect magic, identify, dispel magic, true sight

Scepta101
4
4 days ago

This is so accurate it hurts

secondbestdnd
5
4 days ago

Just stand near a cleric, you'll be fine

Account_Expired
5
4 days ago

Investigation

This skill causes loot to magically appear where it otherwise would be entirely illogical. Roll a natural 20 on investigation, and now the giant rat has a gold ring worth 8gp. Additionally, rolling well on this skill means that you find the loot first, before any other members of the party. This enables you to carefully find the loot, realize its value, and pack it away without any party member being suspicious at all. If your dm contests that everyone would notice the gnome holding a flaming greatsword, you are entitled to bitch and moan that you should be able to hide it in your sleeping bag

Raaxis
4
4 days ago

Intimidation

As an action a bonus action a free action, you yell, snarl, loom, or otherwise glare menacingly at a creature you can see. Roll a d20 and add your Charisma Strength whatever modifier is highest. The creature defends with Charisma Strength Intelligence? Sure, Intelligence. That’s usually low, right? On a success, the target becomes Frightened becomes paralyzed and cannot take actions because of just like, how scary your Barbarian is.

On a failure, you realize that this is bullshit. I’m an eight-foot-tall Goliath, I’m super scary. So what if the Dragon has lived through eons of war and conflict? My pecs should cause it to flee in terror at the mere sight of them.

Oxgoadoshamgar
5
4 days ago

In the case of the wizards spell book, when you are a level 1 wizard do you have 6 1st level spells + your cantrips or are your cantrips supposed to be part of those first 6 spells? I’m rolling a wizard for an upcoming campaign and I want to make sure I’m not cheating. We’re starting at lvl 3 and my wizard currently has 10 spells in his book and 3 cantrips. Does this sound right?

tdunks19
8
4 days ago

Correct. Cantrips do not count. You start with 6 spells and get to add 2 per level as "freebies" so 10 total at level 3.

You can add more spells if you find the spell in a spellbook you find or a spell scroll but it costs time and gp in materials. (2hrs and 50gp per spell level)

penguindows
4
4 days ago

This is hard to swallow pills, for sure...

secondbestdnd
7
4 days ago

It's ok- it's all in jest. None of it is real, I promise. No one would ever do this!

why does everyone do this?????

takentheyrealltaken
5
4 days ago

You've made me truly appreciate that my players aren't assholes

Blindlord
4
4 days ago

It goes both ways RAW many DMs will only allow you to attempt to hide if you can meet the definition of being completely fucking hidden. Like there is a wall between me and the monster. I am in a different room and it has its hands full with flames and swords smacking into it. DM: ok roll a hide check. 3rd ed. Rogue problems

Rhamni
3
4 days ago

Hey, I like Sorcerers!

jeffreybbbbbbbb
3
4 days ago

Saving this to show to my group to refer to “that certain player...”

Viceroy420
3
4 days ago

But I love rolling every d6 in a one mile radius...

ConorTheCleric
4
4 days ago

But I am a Cleric...

secondbestdnd
6
4 days ago

Sorry, I didn't realize- you fully recover from this post.

hitchopottimus
5
4 days ago

I have to admit, I’m pretty guilty of Sacred Weapon in the sly. At least the first part. Never thought to try the advanced use.

Celeritous
4
4 days ago

Wow, I would nope out of a game with players trying to legit argue some of these things and the "bullshit" tirade just sounds obnoxious to deal with. Are my friends and I the only people who don't try to cheat and stick to the spirit of the rules?

Still a funny write up.

secondbestdnd
8
4 days ago

this is mostly exaggeration for humor and also very real things that I've definitely witnessed

Tyranim
4
4 days ago

how a lot of players use insight:

"whenever anyone says anything, you may roll a d20 and add your insight modifier. if the result is 15 or higher, you know that this guy is either telling the truth or outright lying. if the result is 14 or lower, you know this guy is lying out his fucking ass and needs to be punished."

azoicennead
4
4 days ago

I'd just like to remind everyone - DMs to free you and players to make you paranoid - that Zone of Truth only prevents deliberate lies; it doesn't guarantee that what's said is true. Seed your intrigue with misinformed characters, have them use weasel words or theorize ("it could be a giant hamster from the Far Realms" is almost never actually a lie, because it could be [we all know it isn't, just like it's never lupus]), tell only the part of the truth that makes the players look in the wrong direction, etc.

Learn to talk like the fey. Tell truths from a certain point of view. Lie with the truth.

onedeantwenty
5
4 days ago

Important note about zone of truth: What you say has to be true, but you don't have to say shit.

KingAmo3
4
4 days ago

Wild shape

Druid ability

You spend the next 15 minutes looking at the list of things you can turn into that doesn’t exist, and oh wait elements are options now, and oh wait I have polymorph too, and oh wait I also have shapechange, and actually I want to cast moonbeam.

Destriant_of_Perish
3
4 days ago

That was great

TheRPM3
3
4 days ago

So great

secondbestdnd
3
4 days ago

🤗🤗🤗 Thank you!

PerditionReigns
3
4 days ago

It's been forever and a day since I DM'd a game but damn if this type of thing wasn't relevant back then, too.

heavymtl1
3
4 days ago

This made my day.

[deleted]
3
4 days ago

[deleted]