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Throwaway. Not sure this counts but I was 13 during summer vacation. I was the annoying little brother to my stepsister who was 15 or so at the time. Both my mom and my stepdad worked so we were home alone during the day(a rarity back then). My stepsister had friends from around the neighborhood over and they thought a good way to kill boredom would be to hold me down and undress me. This was circa 1979/1980, long before the internet was a thing. Even before we had VHS player or cable. Seeing the opposite sex naked was tricky. If you didn't stumble across a porn stash, it was a mystery. So their curiosity got the best of them I guess. As soon as I knew what was happening it was too late. I tried to fight but it was my stepsister and three friends and I was a skinny little kid so I wasnt a match. They got everything off and they did their thing, playing with it and laughing as it reacted. I was crying and yelling at them the whole time. It went on for a long time and eventually they either got bored or I got free, but kinda of a combo. It was awful. I waited for my mom to come home and told her immediately. She shrugged it off and told me to stay out of her room. That was it. I begged her to do something, but nope. I was a boy, who cares? She said it's different with boys. It made no sense. I didn't even mention it to my stepdad. So I hope things have chaged nearly 40 years later, but back then, it was never taken seriously. Truly messed up. If that happened to my son I'd go absolutely batshit crazy.
That OP wasn't sure if it counted or not breaks my heart.
More than counts: it's a textbook example.
Wow what the fuck. Thats crazy that your mom just shrugged it off. My guess is she was trying to not cause problems with your stepdad, but still you should have been protected. Super fucked up that it was shrugged off. I'm sorry that happened to you man. I hope those girls still look back on that day and hopefully feel a sense of shame for what they did. You probably won't ever see them again but I hope the guilt still lies in their mind somewhere
Yeah, one would hope. I was friends with one the girl's brothers so I was over there house a few times. She actually said she was sorry once years later. I shrugged it off like I didn't know what she was talking about just to drop the subject, but I did appreciate it the belated apology.
It may seem crazy, but this reaction is very common. I'm a woman and when I told my mom I was raped at 12, she didn't believe me. Or do anything about it. And kept making me hang out with my rapist. It's insanely common for this to happen, sadly.
My greatuncle raped my mom, and my cousin raped my sister. They both told my great grandmother shortly after it happened and she did nothing.
Disgustingly, its easier to shrug off and ignore the problem than it is to deal with the situation.
Did you ever confront your weird stepsister about this? This is just wrong on all levels and she should be ashamed of herself. ...
It's clear nothing was going to happen. Everybody told me to forget about it. It wasn't doing any good so I just moved on.
The classic method of dealing with this is reversing the genders like Jim Jefferies said.... Nobody bats an eye when it's a young boy. Make it a young girl with multiple boys that are slightly older... Now how does it feel?
Ya I really wish I had thought of that point back when I was telling my mom. When you think about the roles being reversed it really helps to point out it's messed up. You shouldn't need to though. But it really drives home the point.
Sickening. Are you ok now?
I'm fine. Time heals (most) wounds. It was terrible afterwards because there'd always be comments made. But these days I'm a happily married dad and when my kids come to me upset about something, I don't brush it off.
EDIT: Gold. Thanks, I'll take it. If I could go back and tell 13 year old me that although what I went through is terrible, at least it resulted in Reddit Gold, he'd say "Who the fuck are you and what the hell is Reddit Gold?"
Thinking it "doesn't count" when it's someone you know, man or woman, is a common response in people who went through sexual assault. I'm sorry this happened to you
Damn... do you still see them? Edit: see instead of sew..
No, that was a long time ago in a state far far away. They got divorced and never stayed in touch with anybody.
If this happened to my boy, I would cut some bitches. No lie.
Got drunk with some friends and took a couple bars (not an uncommon Saturday night back then). One girl and I stayed up bs'ing in the kitchen. Most folks had passed out and it was a way to keep from disturbing people. The next thing I recall is waking up on the couch with her riding me and biting the hell out of my chest (the bruise lasted about a week and a half). A few other people wake up to the noises, including my girlfriend that I shared the apartment with. The girl riding me stopped to the commotion and left quickly.
I had never blacked out before and wanted to make sure I was okay (drugs are bad, mmm'kay). Toxicology turned up she had slipped some ruffies in my drink at some point. Had gf go with me, because she was having a hard time believing the story. (Hot chick riding your bf in the living room while you sleep so you can work in the morning and him not wanting it). Also had them check for any STDs as people started warning us that she may be running green. Came back clean, but that night started my path to stop using drugs.
Talked to a cop friend about the situation and he, low key, advised against trying to press charges since there were drugs and alcohol present and they would have to search the place for evidence and that wouldn't go too well for me and it would come down to her word against mine. Even with me being ruffied, it would be hard to convince a jury, so I let it go.
Went about three years without seeing her anywhere, even though we ran in the same circles. Bumped into her in a grocery store and she immediately started apologizing. I told her it was in the past and I've moved on. She wasn't making a scene and I didn't really want to make one either. I don't know that I would have had that restraint had I bumped into her shortly after the incident.
Wow, that was cathartic.
She drugged you, in your own home while your girlfriend slept meters away. It doesn’t matter how fast she started apologizing she is a predator.
Agreed and I still haven't had any contact with her aside from passing in public. It still makes me want to do violent things, but I'm happy with the life I have now.
alcohol + xanax + rohypnol = lucky to be alive
Mother Fucken Facts! Thank God you even woke up.
people started warning us that she may be running green.
interesting way to put that.
It was one that I heard in HS and it amused me, so I kept using it.
Doctor testifying you were roofied is pretty conclusive.
Next time talk to a lawyer, preferably a prosecutor, not a cop.
Knew cop, didn't know lawyers. Was a criminal and really didn't want to have all my dirty laundry drug out.
"Sure, you can press charges, but then we'll have to search your house for drugs. Also, I doubt a jury will believe you, even with a toxicology report backing you up."
If the genders were switched, I wonder if the cop friend would have reacted differently.
That type of advice is also one of the reasons that only a small fraction of female victims press charges.
I think the response would be very similar. Rape is one of the most underreported crimes.
If you were drinking and eating bars I’m surprised she felt the need to drug you on top of that. Alcohol + xanax usually means you’ll wake up in a hospital or a jail cell (if you wake up at all). You must have had a very high tolerance.
I went over to a girl's house, smoked way more weed than I was used to and with a bottle of wine I was basically a zombie. We went to her bed and I asked if she had a condom, she said no, I told her we weren't shagging then. Passed out, woke up with her riding me. At that point I figured I might as well go with it, since if I was going to catch something then I'd already have it, and I really wanted to go to sleep rather than get dressed and try to get home, deal with awkwardness. No diseases thank god.
I wasn't much more than disappointed, and my friends male and female say it isn't rape, so sometimes before I tell my story I reverse the roles and tell them about the time I shagged an unconscious girl without protection after she'd already said she didn't want sex. Their reaction is wayyyy different.
Edit: oh shit I forgot. I told our mutual friend that introduced us and she said "oh yeah I've heard she can be a bit rapey from other guys". Cheers for that, would have been good to know ahead of time.
Edit 2: as pointed out by a kind commenter this isn't rape as rape can only happen with a penis in my country. My bad. Please remove this mods if this means I broke the serious tag rules...
Genius way to tell people the story. Lol you should always present it first with the roles reversed.
I wouldn't say genius. People will think you're a rapist, then saying it happened the other way around only means that one of your accounts is a lie. The end result is that most people will have doubts about whether or not you're a rapist.
Had the same thing happen to me. Was drinking with some friends at a girls house we knew. The other friends left and I had passed out on the girl's bed. Woke up to her riding me, but because I didn't want to drive home drunk at 3 in the morning I just went with it. Felt ashamed because I never wanted to sleep with her.
That sucks man. I think at the time I just chalked it up to people being shitty. It was years ago. I think if it happened now I would feel worse about it.
This happened to me! I was about 17. Drank too much at a friend's house. They put me into one of the bedrooms and I passed out. I woke up to a little fat girl, who fancied me, on top rubbing my man parts and then putting it in her. I had no idea what was going on. Clear rape. I just felt weird the next day but I got on with it.
What I find though is that as a girl this has happened to me, same situation, felt "stuck" there - and I was always told it was my fault and I was being a tease by sleeping in their bed.
Their reaction is different, because it is rape! You were raped. I don't get people who have double standards about this shit.
It's because of erections, and straight sex is typically thought of a man giving it to a woman. Girls especially can't understand how I could be hard and having sex against my will. Seriously though, I sympathise with that view and definitely think it would be way more traumatising to be penetrated than to unwillingly penetrate someone. Plus there's the whole 'doesn't matter had sex' attitude.
Like I said, at the time I just went and got tested and didn't talk to her again.
Because society has taught us that men "always want sex." They're just brainless sex machines that will pay whatever cost to get sex. So, if the girl is pretty, people think "Why wouldn't he want to have sex with her? It's not like he has preferences or autonomy."
The double standard is because men are supposed to want to have sex all the time and women are supposed to deny them this until certain hoops are jumped through.
Bullshit, I know, but that’s Western society for you.
Young woman here, by the way.
I often catch myself not reacting as much to stories like this as I should be, and I know it because something will make me think about the genders being reversed, and I often feel slightly more upset about the idea of a man assaulting a woman. I'm trying to fix this. Male victims deserve the same amount of respect as female ones, and it's horrible that they don't get it. I know that it can be very unfair legally, too. I've read stories of things like women raping young boys and then suing for child support, and winning. It's terrible.
It's things like this that really make me wish that "men's rights" hadn't become such a taboo idea. A lot of people don't seem to realize that women aren't the only ones who can face discrimination and disadvantages in life.
Male victims deserve the same amount of respect as female ones
+1. Thank you.
I feel like telling people you raped a girl before telling them the real story is a horrendous idea man. That could definitely make people feel like your true story is just a cover for what you just actually told them
Haha, it's not something I randomly share! Only with close friends. I didn't even tell my gf for years. Definitely not my go-to icebreaker
a bit rapey
Imagine a girl said that about a guy - media fucking frenzy
Girls do warn each other about guys like that though, and it still gets brushed off as dramatic and gossipy.
I don’t understand how people are so casual about taking advantage of others. I can’t even walk into someone’s house without being expressly invited, give them a heads up when I’m on my way AND have them let me in once I arrive.
One time I was napping with my FWB, I really wanted his arm around me but he was already asleep. I felt skeevy about putting his arm around me without his consent/knowledge. How anyone could undress, let alone, rape someone blows my mind.
I can’t even walk into someone’s house without being expressly invited
You distinctly said no. There's no ambiguity. That's a clear cut rape.
Yeah that’s definitely rape. Sorry you had to go through that. And good for you for wanting to use protection. You seem like a smart guy :D
My ex girlfriend liked to be "raped" she liked the roleplay of it I guess, she asked me to tie her up and really be rough with her one time. I did it even though I didn't feel comfortable being so rough with her. We did this a few times here and there, our relationship started to fall apart due to other issues like her not trusting me for some reason and making me take pictures of everywhere I went and constantly fighting about it, I finally saw what was happening to me being controlled by her and never being allowed to see my friends or family and even skipping classes in college because she didn't like a girl in my class or whatnot. I tried to leave her and she showed me a video, the video was one of our rape roleplay sessions, she recorded it and now was using it to blackmail me. I was scared to death and ended up staying with her for about another 6 months where she would regularly force me to have sex with her or she would call the police and tell them I raped her, the Tape had me dead to rights over a crime I didn't REALLY commit. Eventually I felt as if I had enough of a case and I took a leap of faith and left her, blocked her on everything. Never heard from her again. Its been about 3 years and my trust in relationships is ruined but im still recovering.
Edit: Thank you all for the kind words. I will attempt to reply to some comments but there is a ton. Like I said to some people that recognized the story, I told it before on another account but deleted that account due to irl things.
Edit 2: Im getting a ton of shit for not going after her after this situation. Hear me out here. I have the evidence I need to protect myself from any charges ever thrown my way as well as protect any future victim of hers. I have the video mentioned AND a phone call recording of her explaining that video was a fake. Im fine. Im not brainwashed. I know I probably should have pursued it at the time but I didn't, hindsight is 20/20. Its too late now to bring it up out of context and I want to remain as far away from the situation as possible.
I may delete the post due to the negativity towards me, that's not what I asked for when posting this I simply shared my story.
Last Edit: Deleting this in an hour, if anyone would like to just copy the comment and keep it in the thread be my guest but I am deleting my account.
Record the blackmail, turn the tables around.
Oddly enough, I wouldn't want to. She was my highschool sweetheart and I wouldn't ever want to hurt her life even after what happened. I couldn't live with myself after doing anything like that.
I'm glad you got away, that sounds like an awful situation
As weird as this advice sounds my dude, before engaging in any sexual activity with your current partner that is even slightly violent in nature, type up an agreement between you two and sign it. Give a copy to her and keep one yourself. This situation would be avoided in the future as a signed document is legal proof of the agreement.
I hope you’re doing alright and can find someone worth trusting. People are crazy out there man.
Sadly the consent can be taken back after the document is signed, making the document invalid.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. That's really fucked up.
I was at a wedding without my girlfriend as she had a prior engagement and couldn't make it. I'm English, and I knew the American bride because we taught English in France together a few years beforehand. Her husband was Italian, and the wedding took place in Turin.
On the day I was sat at a table with a lot of the groom's Italian friends. Even though I don't speak Italian this suited me well as the Americans have a strange relationship with Alcohol. Everyone knew I wasn't single. On my table was one American girl, Laura. She was really athletic, a crossfitter I think. Not a bodybuilder but there was no fat on her at all.
Fast forwards and I had drunk more than my fair share. The "American" tables had a lot of wine left on them after the meal. After acting like a tit on the dancefloor, the night wound down and everyone left to go home or back to hotels. In the hotel lift myself, Lauren, and another American girl who I think was the maid of honour were going up. Lift stops, my floor, I get out and head towards my room. MoH stays in the lift to continue to her floor. Laura's still with me. As we get near my room I remember Laura is staying on the floor above mine, which is odd but I was blotto so it didn't occur to me to say anything.
I say "bye" in short order as I'm taking a turn and I wasn't to get to bed as soon as I can. As I close the door it hits something hard. Her foot. I turn to look at her and she pushed the door open, kissing me. I push her off, mumbling incoherently. She pushes into my room and shuts the door behind her, telling me to go with it. I'm fairly uncoordinated and weak because of the drink; I say no. She pushes me onto the bed. I black out. In the morning she's gone and there are 3 (three) used condoms in the bin.
I always felt horrendous about cheating on my GF of the time. I never told her, or anyone about it really. That relationship didn't work out and as far as I know she never found out about it.
Fast forward a few years to the me too movement and I see someone on twitter or FB, can't remember which, post a story extremely similar to my own. That's the first time I ever considered that I'd been raped. I raised this and was laughed at by men and women alike.
I personally think that if the roles were reversed, and I'd forced entry into a drunk girl's room whilst I was sober and had sex with her when she had repeatedly told me no, I'd probably be in some serious bother. I know better than to tell anyone else now.
EDIT: Okay I went out and feel like I wrote it all in one go and got a bit angry towards the end so let me clarify:
1) On Americans and alcohol: this family were very puritanical. Christians that extreme don't really exist where I'm from. I got very drunk but at a British wedding there would have been 5-10 others as drunk as me or more drunk than me. Which makes it worse because I don't think "Laura" had drank fore than 3 glassed of wine.
2) On my sexual prowess: there were 3 johnnies in the bin. I don't think they were all full and didn't check. I doubt I came more than once, could have been she changed each one when they dried out? I've done that when I've got johnnies but no lube. Idk.
3) I never reported it to the police because seriously? The Italian police? Also I'm from the UK and I don't know any more than her first name and that she went to university with my friend. Now she's presumably back in the states. Also I just don't want to go through it.
4) To say I was laughed at was me overreacting, the reactions varied. When I first mentioned it on social media I was told that MeToo "wasn't for men", that was the prevailing attitude. A few of the bigger bitches made jokes. I didn't actually know any of em, they were strangers on social media. In real life, most people I've told have responded with something along the lines of "that sucks man". My current girlfriend is my first real relationship since that time. It's been three years since it happened and in that time I dated a bit and had one long-term FWB. Current girlfriend said "if you were a girl that would be rape", which I'm satisfied with. She's old fashioned and I love being with her, we're a classic.
5) I'm not afraid of being laughed at but in my culture men really don't talk very much about things like this (see above reactions). The stiff upper lip is definitely a real thing. It's in the past now and I've come to terms with it. To have so many people flatly assert that I didn't cheat honestly does mean a lot, and makes me feel much better about myself.
I wouldn't call this cheating at all. And I'm really sorry that people laughed at you.
It probably never even crossed this woman's mind that there could be consequences (because men don't usually talk and aren't taken seriously). Everyone who laughed at you contributed to that horrible status quo and I hope they'll realize it in time.
Things weren't going very well with me and my then-GF. We ended up breaking up about 4-5 months after the wedding.
Part of me has always assumed that I actually wanted to cheat on her, and that I didn't do enough to protest. That girl knew I had a girlfriend and I'm pretty sure I mentioned it in my room when I was trying to resist. I don't know. I find the whole thing confusing more than anything. I don't know how to feel about it.
Hey fuck everyone who laughed at you. Don't stay quiet about your story, don't let them silence you or make you feel shame. Stories like yours are important for people to read and understand that rape isn't a gender specific thing. That men can be taken advantage of while under the influence and that it's not just kinky drunken sex, but actual rape. The thing is people assume as men we're always eager to have sex and lucky if a woman comes onto us like that. That, combined with it being weird for men to share emotional stories and talk about their feelings being ostracized and "not manly" enable people to have the reactions they had towards you. But it's really not okay. The one who should be ashamed is her, not you
You didn't cheat, you were raped. You were way intoxicated, and this woman took advantage of you. You blacked out, and that's not cool.
That metoo movement was weird eh? It brought about a host of feeling in me, a bizarre mix of validation, vindication, guilt, and repressed memories but also intense fucking shame.
Had a very similar experience, posted using the metoo hashtag... got completely lit up because "it's not the same" or "you could have actually done something"... so fuck it just don't talk about it because 97/100 people don't believe you and/or think less of you for it.
Now I'm saying this as a female: you did not cheat on your girlfriend. You were raped. Cheating implies mutual consent from both parties, you definitely didn't consent. I'm sorry this happened to you. I hope you learn to forgive yourself, that's always the hardest part. Remember, you didn't do anything wrong, she did.
This entire thread just makes me incredibly angry-sad :/ I'm sorry that happened to you, and the fact that woman holds a position like that is so wrong and scary as fuck.
Thanks dude, thankfully I'm not too messed up from my experiences, but the fact that this stuff happens all the time is frightening. It could have easily happened to someone else in a more vulnerable emotional state and really screwed up their lives. I did have to stop hanging out with the girl in #2, but kept her on social media for politeness sake. It always really disturbed me the way she would post about sexual assault like only men can commit this offence. To this day I don't think she realizes what she did to me is indeed sexual assault. I had to block her on social media, and I ran into her at a bar not too long ago and she seems awkward and confused as to why I didn't want to hang out.
You should report what she did.
It happened like six years ago, we are now both in long term relationships now she lives in a different city, I recently ran into her and it was awkward but nothing major. My current partner knows this happened, but I don't feel like ruining her relationship for some kind of revenge or whatever.
The first one is unsettling and messed up, but the second one is full on harrowing. Like major major creepy.
I've told this story on my other account. I guess I'll tell it in a little more detail. I was raped twice by two different girls. The first one was my dad's girlfriend. I was staying with my dad and his girlfriend when I was around 16 and one weekend he went away for the weekend. Well the moment he left his girlfriend tells me let's go. We go to the liquor store and she tells me to pick a bottle. I drank tequila every night with my dad so I thought nothing of it. I picked a bottle of absolute citreon and a six pack of beer. Well we start taking shots and before you know it the entire bottle is gone. I get and and throw up in the bathroom and stumble back to the couch and pass out. That's all I remember...... Until I wake up to her giving me a blowjob. I passed out again and she is riding me. I couldn't pass out after that so I pretended to sleep until she was done. The next morning I woke up ran in the shower and when I got out she was telling me about the great life we were gonna have. Well I played it off until my dad got back and told him everything. Shit blew up and I went back home with my mom and buried it in my head for 20 years.
Second time I was drinking with a bunch of friends and a friend who was staying with me was seeing this girl. Well the girl he was seeing had another girl who was sleeping at her house so I had to drive them all. The whole drive to my house this girl is saying she was gonna fuck me. I sorta laughed and said nahhh I'm good. You fucking with my other boy and I got a girl. Well she wouldn't take no for a answer. When we got to my house I told my friend not to leave us alone. As soon as I use the bathroom I get back to my room and this girl is naked in my bed. I go to leave the room and she runs over and closes the door and litterally pushes me onto a chair. I get a flashback of the first time and I freeze. I let her do her thing and I went to bed.
I never told anyone and my girlfriend at the time ended up being my wife. She put up with my depression for about 15 years before she got tired of it and I finally told her. It was like a huge wieght off my chest. I still never drink around females unless my wife is around and I have a hard time looking females in the face when I talk to them. It really fucked me up. If I have 1 drop of alcohol my dick is dead to the world. I get such bad anxiety and the occasional flashback.
You’ve married an amazing woman. I’m sorry you’ve gone through that but I’m glad she’s stuck by you
Yea she put up with much more than anyone should have to. I pretty much lost myself for 15 years and almost losing her brought me back.
I don't know how much this will mean, coming from a random Redditor, but you are far stronger and more valuable than (I think) you've realized. The things that have happened to you don't define your worth. For what it's worth, we here love you and support you.
Thanks alot. It does mean alot to me
Damn I’m sorry man, similar thing happened to my friend when he was a sophomore in high school. Awful thing to go through and I hope all is good
She put up with my depression for about 15 years before she got tired of it and I finally told her
I read this and immediately thought she was going to leave you. Mad respect to her for believing in you and loving you unconditionally
Not full on rape, but I guess..prolonged sexual assault. I still find it hard to frame it that way in my mind, though.
A female friend took pity on me when we were all crashing over at a friend's house. I've always found her very uncomfortable to be around (she has a tendency to be very handsy and have no concern for your personal space) but knowing my luck, I ended up having to share a sofa with her for sleeping.
Shortly before we called it a night, I had disclosed the fact that I was a virgin in a game of Never Have I Ever - something that has never really bothered me, as I seem to feel no sexual drive or attraction to anyone. Regardless, she looked at me with pity and said "aww [Ghiscari_]" in a simpering voice, like I was a baby.
During that night she decided to 'do me a favour' I guess and slipped her hands into my sleeping bag. It should also be pointed out that she is much physically larger than me (I have dwarfism). Our friends were all around us in the dark, so I felt like I couldn't yell out, but I tensed up like a board and grabbed her hands. "It's okay, you'll like it." Fuck, just thinking about it makes me so angry. I felt so pathetic. This is what I was to her. A pitiful disabled freak who nobody could truly love, only pity.
She carried on despite how obvious it was that I was extremely uncomfortable, and eventually stopped when it was clear that it wasn't going anywhere.
I stayed wide awake for the next 10 hours, completely frozen and sweating, with her pressed up against my back, just waiting for her to try again. The next day, my whole body ached. It was the worst night of my life.
And people I dare confide in have said "was she attractive?" "whats wrong with you?" "why didn't you go along with it?" "don't be so proud." Fucking hell.
I am so sorry this happened to you. It sounds so humiliating and horrifying, and it makes complete sense you'd feel furious now. It definitely was sexual assault, and I hope you can find people to surround yourself with who take this seriously, and also see you as a whole and complete person, because you are. Best of luck to you, OP.
Thank you. Even though she is still in my life, I do have a strong group of friends fortunately. And I'm actually hoping to finally separate myself from her completely in the next couple of months.
That's because people are fucking scum. You were assaulted, and that sucks, and I am sorry.
What a horrible experience for you. I'm sorry. And the reactions of the people you confided in were really shitty.
Ended up in my exes room because she said she wanted to talk. She locked to door and told me she wanted to fuck. Told her no repeatedly and she started slapping and kicking me every time I tried to leave. I told her I was gonna yell for help and she said “who are my roommates gonna believe you or me?”. So I tried calling my friend to come help me but she took me phone and threw it into her closet, with the same kicking (balls) and slapping me. I finally relented and let her do whatever she wanted then packed up my things left and completely blocked her off of everything.
Bruh thats terrible
I should have ran the first time that threat was made at me. I didn't. Sorry for you man.
You reported that bitch to the cops, right?
I told one friend they said to just drop it and I shouldn’t have been there. So I didn’t talk about it to anyone else.
You reported that bitch to the cops, right?
Yeah I'm sure they'd take his word over hers if both were to cry rape. /s
I can relate to you. Similar thing used to happen with me but not that violent. I used to have sex just because she wanted to have it. I was like a mannequin. That feeling is horrible. It's not that she was ugly or anything but I hated even her smell. Felt like vomiting.
I was drunk during an after party in my dorm apt at vcu. I went to lay down cuz the room started spinning and about 10mins later a p. rican chick we knew slid into my room, got me "up" and then squatted down on it. After a few I guess I fully grasped what was going on and groggily pushed her off. She got up and left the room.
I wasn't necessarily "mad" about the rape itself,—she wasn't ugly/disgusting plus it was college, wild shit happens—I was mad that it was unprotected and lowkey ashamed cuz I had a gf at the time. The guys thought it was hilarious when I told them.
EDIT: After reading a few other posts, because of the violent connotations associated with the word "rape", I should say it was more along the lines of non consensual intercourse. There's people truly scarred by their experiences and felt their life was in danger. I had none of that, and have no mental/emotional scarring from the brief event.
Imagine if the genders were reversed tho, it would be a media shitstorm
Edit- For all the people saying that women get raped all the time and aren't acknowledged in the news. Men are raped as well but they are expected to enjoy it, and their trauma is devalued by people going so far as to say it isn't rape.
Your edit really hits on what the point of this thread is. To keep it short: women are expected to be traumatized from any unwanted sexual conduct, but guys like sex so they are supposed to like it. That's why when a guy is raped, a media outlet won't bother talking about it because a lot of people just won't care. When a girl is raped the only reason the media doesn't talk about it is when it doesn't get out for some reason.
I mean the genders are often reversed, and usually nothing happens. "Media shitstorm" is a pretty rare outcome to getting raped
Did your girlfriend ever find out what happened, and what was her reaction? Your friends thought it was hilarious... was she more understanding? Or angry?
I'm sorry that your friends thought it was funny. This is the kind of mentality we need to crush if people are ever going to take male victims seriously.
plus it was college, wild shit happens
People getting raped don't count as "wild", it counts as "crime".
Haven't told anyone and probably never will. Last thing I want is people to not take me seriously if I tell them.
It was done by a family member that I haven't seen in over a decade when I was really young. It's honestly part of the reason why I trust almost no one.
EDIT: I want to thank you all for the kind words. Really, it means a lot. I've kicked around the idea of telling someone and it may come someday. It sucked that this happened but like with every bad thing from my childhood, I'm overcoming it and creating a great life for myself. I want to mention I do have a great social support network of a few close friends although I haven't told anyone about this specific instance. I just hope someday that the stigma that men can't be raped is gone.
Same thing with my boyfriend. It was his aunt and he was very young when it happened. He's 23 now and still has difficulty dealing with the other sex. He especially gets distributed and uncomfortable if someone touches him without permission or comes close to him and he sometimes lashes out very unexpectedly at that.
I never imagined that something that happens at childhood can change and shape a person so much.
Not necessarily childhood. It happened to me last year, when I was 29. I haven't had sex (nor I want to) with anybody since then.
I've posted this a few times, here it is again.
Long story short: Late night after the bars in college, I go home and passed out, girl knocks on my door and asks if I'm home, we know her so my roommate says yeah and lets her in. She goes straight to my room where somehow, while I lay lifeless passed out drunk, she gets me hard and starts riding me. My roommate opens my door and flips on the light and asks if she even put a condom on me first, she says no, and he kicks her out. I am informed of all this in the morning. Scary the idea that if the roles were reversed, it'd be a severely different story but I personally didn't really care nor did anyone else when I told them. Every single response was "that's awesome easiest lay of your life"
Your room mate is a real bro for doing what he did.
He is. I was sure to thank him for lookin' out like that.
Nah, that's... just gross. It's not awesome to see someone so incapacitated by alcohol and think, "This isn't a person, it's something I can use to get off and they won't even know that I did it. They don't get to have a choice over what happens to their own body as long as I get what I want." :(
Don’t get me wrong; it wasn’t okay and I know that, but I didn’t lose any sleep over it. The difference in reaction when the roles are reversed is what’s most terrifying to me. It’s pretty much understood that when things happen to men it gets written off a lot of the time.
I was in high school, I hung out with kids who were less popular, sort of intentionally. Gamers, back then (and probably still now) were less popular I guess. Anyway, this girl was older than me by about a year or two, but she had a reputation among everyone for "being easy" which is why people picked on her. I tried to see through all of that, I was not romantically interested in her at all, I was hardly even attracted, if at all.
One day I met up with her after school, maybe we were walking out together, I dont know.... it was a long time ago, and I would walk home from school every day so this wasnt something unusual for me. Its always more fun to walk home with someone else, so we talked about a bunch of random stuff, we had a class together I think? Drivers Education.
She comes over to my house, my parents arent going to be home for at least another 4 hours, and she knows it because of our conversation. We're pretty much hanging out in my parents living room, I'm on my dad's reclining chair, and all of a sudden she goes and sits on my lap and starts getting undressed. Virgin me has no clue what is happening right now because the older girl is doing some weird stuff.
She starts wiggling around on me (oh how innocent is this description) and eventually straddles me on the chair, I kinda cant move without actually pushing her off and at this point she has her arms tied around my head. Then she starts "talking dirty" which became pretty forceful. She was wearing lowcut shorts, grabs my hand, slams it in to her as if she was already ready to go, the next thing I know at this point is that im already inside of her (just my hand) but shes basically using all of her might to use my hand to finger herself? 15 year old me at this point has no clue what the fuck is happening.
Well....... SUDDENLY the garage door opening sound happens. My mom is home like 3 hours early. She flips out, hops off of me, pretty much half way undressed, and runs out the back door in to my parent's backyard. I run to the bathroom to try to clean up, and wash my fucking hands. I get to the bathroom, and confused me is about to clean myself before I notice a bunch of smegma on my finger, it looks like a seasame seed, or a poppyseed, im not fucking sure. I smelled it... because lets be honest, I'm 15 years old, and its weird. It was fucking terrible and I was emotionally destroyed at this point. I clean my hands and my mom walks in and shes super fucking suspect. My mom actually saw this girl in the backyard but didnt want to tell me.
Well, 5 min goes by and magically, the girl in the back yard ends up at the front of my house and shes like "hey, do you mind if i get a ride home" so I play coy with my mom and I'm like "hey mom, randomly this girl from school is here and she wants a ride home, do you mind?" and she goes sure no problem. But then on the ride home, my mom explains she saw her in the backyard and I didnt need to hide all of this. I felt some guilt there.
Next day, I go to school, I tell most of my closest friends about this terrible, terrible encounter. and what do they do? They focus in on the fact that this girl's smegma looks like poppy seeds. From there on out, this girl is PERMANENTLY known at the school as "poppy seed". She ended up putting in a school transfer request because the harassment got so bad, which made me feel even worse.
Skip ahead to summer school that year. I had a teacher who was from Zimbabwae (no lie) teaching me algebra 1, the bane of public high school. Language barrier from the teacher ensured that I would be failing, ultimately ending up in summer school. As I'm there, guess who else is there? Poppy seed. She was fucking pissed at me, literally tried to fight me on the bus to summer school. She actually started punching me on the bus, yet I get roped in to it as if I'm beating her. I get caught up in all of this because now the bus driver for the summer school bus has to report me to the dean of the summer school, which is basically the district official from our school system. I had to re-explain EVERYTHING to this guy, "where the rumor started".... and as I reexplained everything above, needless to say, the principal of summer school did NOT believe my story and instead claimed that I was harassing this girl. Apparently the girl went as far as to get a lawyer involved and threatened to sue me.
Luckily the girl's lawyer was level headed and eventually it all came down to the lawyer just asking me for a written letter of apology to her, which I did. And then they filed a light restraining order against me, which I was totally on board with because I personally felt like it was keeping her away from me. I didn't want to associate with this shit anymore.
Anyway, yeah. That happened.
I am really confused about the sesame seed looking stuff... ever find out what was wrong with her?
That's just poor hygiene, smegma is created on the dick, for example, when you don't wash it.
I got nearly blackout drunk with my roommates and floor mates in first year, the night before our first exam. Went to bed alone, they staid up drinking. Woke up (vague drunken awareness ) to a girl trying to stuff my whiskey dick inside her. Didn't really know what to do and just sort of drunkenly let her continue. I was extremely confused as this girl was an out lesbian, I had no idea what was going on. Tried to off my self a few days later.
Took a long time to admit to myself that it even happened, maybe it contributed a bit to trying to kill myself? Cuz I was in a miserable terrible black hole for the next months and eventually switched schools. It took a long time to even consciously connect the dots. Never really told anyone cuz I couldn't really even admit to myself that maybe, that wasn't a cool thing of her to do.
And if I did tell anyone other than a therapist I have a hard time believing they would be supportive. MY close, lifelong friends already think I'm a wee bit of a slut (some truth), especially because I'm not looking for commitment in any form. So I imagine people would be super dismissive. At the time my roommates sort of tongue in cheek congratulated me, because you know, isn't that the dream?
"You were drunk in first year and hooked up with a lesbian?! Legendary!"
I still think about it way too much. Also internet friends, there is a TON of sexual assault that occurs in university and college campuses. The schools do NOT report it and it's almost impossible to get people kicked out. This year at the Head of the Trent (a massive regatta) my friend is a Don, in her one residence alone there were 50 reported (and filed) sexual assaults in one weekend. Not a single word was said on behalf of the school. It's crazy.
Title IX, look it up.
I’ve been sexually assaulted four times by four different women throughout my life. (Before I came out as gay) I’m a pretty scrawny guy with a baby face so I suppose it’s easy to take advantage? The probably worst/most recent one was my sophomore year of college (I was 18) with a girl like twice my size from the next school over. We met playing Pokémon go and we were just gonna hang out and play a little. It was a cold day so I let her come into my room to warm up before she went home. I made it clear in the beginning I didn’t want anything physical, just wanted to be friends. She kept guilt tripping me into a kiss, which I very reluctantly gave, but she kept wanting more. I won’t go into details for my own mental health but it ended up with her using her whole weight to hold me down and do whatever she wanted with me for about 15-20 minutes. It was violent and I had cuts and bruises and long master trauma to this day.
I never came forward and told anyone except my now (amazing, loving) boyfriend. I knew there was no point. She graduated and moved like a state away, and around here guy just “don’t get raped”. It would be seen as a lie or a way for me to get attention/get her into trouble (she was well liked in her program). So I never bothered and I never will.
It’s something I just have to live with. It’s been a little over a year and I still have some issues being touched sexually, and I likely always will. But I’m trying.
I am so so sorry. I hope everything gets better for you. That is so fucked up and you didn't deserve that!
Posted this before in a similar thread:
I was raped by my college roomate's girlfriend. This happened around sophomore year of college. One of my roomates had been dating this girl off an in for about 8 months or so. She was a tall, athletic, attractive red head. She had that oh so famous red head temper. My roommate was also not the best boyfriend. They fought a lot in our apartment. Several times, I was forced to physically get between them to prevent an altercation and/or our stuff getting broken. These fights happened at least once a week, and almost every time they drank. One Friday, she tells me that she wants to set me up with one of her soriorty sisters, so we 4 (roommate, roommate's gf, gf's friend, and myself) all go out to the clubs. The night was going surprisingly well. The friend and I didn't really connect in a romantic level, but we were all having a good time none the less. At one of the clubs, it's my turn to buy a round, I'm standing at the bar, trying to tune out the loud music, when I feel an arm reach around from behind me and grab my crotch. Natural reaction, I turn to see who it was and see my roomates gf standing behind me grinning... I carefully removed her hand, and tried to mentally brush it off as the alcohol getting to her. Fast forward another two hours and we are in the cab going back to our apartment. Roomate and girlfriend are loudly fighting about something, while the friend and I are sitting in uncomfortable silence. It is at this point, things get really blurry, it was as if all of the nights alcohol hit me all at once. I remember us getting back to our apartment parking lot and my roomate and his girlfriend are shouting at each other. I throw the driver a bill and stumble back to our apartment with girlfriends friend in tow, leaving them to fight outside. I don't know where the friend crashed, I just walked straight in and straight to my bed. I don't think that I even took my club cloths off. Don't know how much time passed, but get the feeling of something wet around my crotch area and on my stomach. My initial thought, before opening my eyes, was that I pissed myself. Upon opening my eyes, I see my roomates girlfriend on top of me, riding me. I sobered up in that one second and quickly shoved her off of me. I just remember saying "WTF are you doing?!" and her saying VERY loudly, "Well someone else won't fuck me!" as if she wanted my roomate to hear. I told her to get out, and she did whilst calling me an asshole. I lay there for a minute trying to analyze what just happened, when I start to feel sick. Not sure if it was the alcohol or the incident that just occurred, but I ran to the bathroom to puke. I returned to my bed and fell back asleep. I never brought it up with my roomate or his girlfriend. I dont know if she ever told him. He told me the next day that he was so blasted that he didn't remember anything after we left the club. The sorority sister was no where to be found the next morning. Roomate and his girlfriend broke up for good not long after that. I still see her around town every now and then. We are cordial we speak, but I have never brought up the incident. I'm not even 100% sure if she remembers doing it. To be honest, even I have confused feelings about it to this day.
I told her I was leaving her because I was done with the manipulation. She told me she'd lie to people and say I raped her if I didn't have sex with her. Who would people believe, the strong, somewhat unpopular, quiet guy or the 5 foot nothing toothpick of a girl? I didn't really have an option.
After that, the next time I saw her I told her that if she spread any rumors, I'd carve LIAR onto her forehead and cut out her tongue. False rape accusations ruin people's lives. That stigma would always follow me. And if she was going to ruin my life, then I would have nothing to lose.
She left me alone after that.
I love that response- ruthless as her. Good on you for not giving in.
Haven't told anyone. That's how I dealt with it.
I kept saying no, she kept saying yes and doing what she wanted.
My boyfriend and I were talking one night and I confided in him how I had been raped. After a little while of him hugging and kissing on me to make me feel better he told me that there was a girl he was kind of interested in. One night they went to his house and were fooling around, but he had told her he didn't want to have sex. Well, she got on top anyway and did what she did. He just kind of sat there thinking and he was like "Kind of sounds like your story." And I told him our experiences were parallel, but then he told me that they hooked up a few times after that. It didn't seem to bother him that much when we were talking about it, but I don't know. His reaction kind of surprised me, it was like he had just figured it out.
This is super normal for f->m rape. For a lot of us it's 'contextualised' in our heads and we have to play it off or face the negative thoughts that come with it.
Good on you for not playing the "mine was worse" card! 👍👍
It's so sad to me that when I tell people they give me hugs and condolences for the violence I had to endure, but when it happens to men.... its just kind of shoved to the side or laughed at. Rape is rape and none of it is ok. When my boyfriend told me what happened to him I said "Baby, that is rape and it's not ok. I'm sorry that happened to you." Once I said that I think it clicked in his mind. I want to validate every man that has been raped that its not ok because it was a women that did it, and they were a victim to manipulation and pressure. I don't think men get the support from others when this happens to them and it just depresses me.
If you are a man that has experienced rape and you are reading this. You did nothing wrong. You were violated and taken advantage of. It does not make you weak, it doesn't mean you aren't a man. You are a person who's boundaries were crossed in a violent act. If you need support or someone to talk to about it please feel free to reach out to me. I'm happy to talk and provide support for you.
Back in HS. Girl had dogged me for a while but I wasn't feeling it. She got a 'job' with my mother babysitting my little brother. I was asleep on a saturday morning and woke up with her straddling me and me inside her (thanks morning wood.) Since it was already happening I just went along with it. Yeah I told some folks but it was never a big deal. I regret it like hell though. She is certifiable and still haunts my life. Maybe it I had just gotten up early and left before she got there, but it is what it is and I just deal with it.
Dude, it’s not your fault. It’s hers, and hers alone. It’s not on you to not get raped, it’s on other people to not rape
Throwaway because my mates know my actual Reddit account.
I wasn't raped but I was molested, I guess. When I was 19 my brothers girlfriend (now his wife) came into my room after we'd all spent the night drinking. I was very drunk, but I still had my wits about me. She's a big woman (tall and fat), and I was a short, skinny thing at 19 so yeah, when she started yanking my pants down I couldn't push her off. She started sucking me off but I didn't get hard, so she stopped after like 20 seconds and stumbled out of the room. I just sat there wondering wtf I should so. In the end I couldn't tell my brother because he'd be devastated and he'd probably beat my ass because he can't very well beat hers, and he needs to deal with issues with his fists. I eventually did tell someone when I was drunk, and to be fair he did say it was wrong - but only after I told him my sister-in-law is fat and unattractive. He assured me that if she were hot, I'd have enjoyed it. Except, no, because she was my brothers girlfriend and I felt like a complete prick for not being able to stop her.
Was invited to a "get together" by this girl I went to HS with who I hadn't talked to in probably over 5 years. Reconnected out of nowhere on FB and I had the next day off so I figured fuck it maybe I'll see some old friends since we had mutual friends back in the day. I show up and most of the people have already left and as the rest were making their way out she just kept bringing me drinks.
Eventually the last person leaves and her roommate comes home so we head to her room. Immediately she jumps on me and starts digging into my pants. I'm pretty drunk at this point, so I wasn't entirely capable of stopping what was happening and I was more confused than anything since before that past week I hadn't talked to this girl in over 6 years. It kept going. It went on entirely too long, she had a few spasms so I'm guessing she orgasm'd but I 100% for sure know I didn't and after she got up to go get another drink I sat there completely bewildered to what had just happened. When she came back she tried passing me another drink and I politely refused it and kind of just sat around until she fell asleep. Her roommate eventually came in as I was getting dressed and asked if I was leaving since she wanted to lock up and after I left I just sat in my car down the street for a few minutes trying to process everything. I'd been blackout wasted before and didn't feel that inhibited and out of control so I suspect I may have been drugged with something, although I've never voluntarily taken any kind of drug so I wouldn't know the feeling even if that was what happened. That happened a little over a year ago and she never reached out after, we've had no contact.
I told my friends about it and all they could do was joke about it and ask how it was, if she was good, what her body looked like. No sympathy at all for how I was still a little shocked over the entire scenario.
I passed out at a party, woke up and a girl I didn't know was sucking my dick. I told her to stop she argues a bit and I fall back unconscious, sometime later I wake up to her on top of me trying to put my dick inside her. I lightly slapped her, said wtf, pulled up my pants and passed back out. No clue what happened I was extremely drunk, I told my friends the story in the morning, they laughed, I laughed, we made breakfast.
I'm starting to see a pattern here.
guy gets drunk, girl rapes him, he tells his friends, they laugh.
Below is from the last time this question was asked.
I thought about using a throwaway for this but fuck it, I control my life now.
This is actually how my son was born.
I had been with this lady, lets call her Stacy, she was crazy, but I wasn't exactly stable either, I was really into painkillers at the time, and I was not doing very fantastic at life. I had a stable job, a shared rent house, a car, but no equity, no savings, (drugs are expensive) and a general feeling of wanting to die.
This general feeling of wanting to die was mostly due to the excessive painkiller use, and I was on Probation at the time, but that is a separate story of stupidity. Anyhow I wasn't exactly the most emotionally available person, I worked all the time, because rent+drugs=slavery. When I was home I was reading, or sleeping, or being a generally miserable cunt.
Now Stacy, Stacy, has no job, she just goes to school, she stays with me, rent free, and for a while, we were happy. Until my general priggishness pushed her away. Anyhow, she cheated on me. I caught an STI because of it. I broke up with her, I asked her to leave.
I get treated. I grieve. I become less like a human and more like a miserable, hollowed out, skeleton who has trouble processing mentions, emotions, priorities, the basics of human interaction. I get put on mail in probation, the easiest there is. I don't mail in. I just want to sleep. Maybe never wake up.
So I tried to end it the only way I knew how, I took a lot of painkillers, and drank whiskey till I couldn't see straight.
I wake up in the morning. I'm disappointed. I'm alive.
Stacy is naked beside. WTF? what happened? Did I call her? My phone is shattered. I wake her up. I ask her to leave. I haven't eaten in a couple of days, I'm starving, and so hungover I can't think. She starts to laugh at me. I start to get angry but my head spins, I fall back onto the bed. I realize she is undressing me. I moan out a please help me. I think I'm dying. I wake up. I'm naked. She's gone.
A few days later, she calls my job and asks to sit down with me. She says, "I'm late."
I cry. This is not what I needed. She asks for money. I give her some. Go back into work and my PO is there wondering why I haven't mailed in.
I go to jail. Then rehab. While I was in rehab my consular, helped me realize that the way she had always treated me, was not like a partner but as a servant.
I have no idea where to end this.
Anyone who has dealt with something like this knows,it's how you cope. I'm getting better, I still avoid relationships with women because I'm not ready. I want to get a little bit better before I try that again.
END OF ORIGINAL POST
To add I never told anyone until therapy about 12 months later. I didn't even believe me until I had run through it about 3-4 times. Self delusion is a motherfucker.
Here’s a copy paste from a post I made not too long ago. It’s definitely more across the lines of sexual harassment / assault and not rape or forced penetration, but I still think it’s worth sharing.
My buddy had some friends over for his 22nd birthday, some of us are still in college and stuff. I didn’t work until 3pm the next day so I'm like sure, why not. I hang out with them and we go to this bar for trivia. It was fun, not much of a trivia person myself but it was good being with my friends. Then they're like, "Hey! Let's go to Jack's!" Now Jack's is this club known for being one of “those places” where single men and women go to find hookups.
Now I’m a good moral man, I’ve been in a relationship for about four years and I’ve been to clubs/bars plenty of times with my buddies and there’s never been problems. I’d never do an unfaithful thing. So sure, why not. To me it’s just socializing with my buddies. The night is still young and I’m with some of my best friends, so we’re all trying to have a fun night.
So we're there having a good time, after about 12:30-1:00 the dance floor starts to leak out and the whole place becomes this dirty grind fest. There’s still groups of people who are just hanging around and talking, as we’re doing, but it is packed pretty tight. This chick grabs my arm and pulls me into her and starts trying to dance. Again - I like to think of myself as a man of character, I wouldn't do anything even close to unfaithful so I make it as clear as possible - "Hey, I'm just hanging out with my buddies tonight. I have a lady myself, but thanks" and I back off. I was kind of locked in between a group of people, my buddies being on the other side of a small wall of people. We ended up getting separated. So she just starts talking to me normally. Fine, that’s okay, she can talk all she wants. She's this little hispanic girl about the same age as me. "I'm Maria, I'm from California. You from here?" I say sure, been here all my life and try my best to ignore her but at the same time not be a complete ass. I figure she’s just hitting on me and I’ll answer her questions and leave. She says, "I think it's lame and cold here, you can warm me up." It’s been a while since another woman has been this upfront with me about attraction so I’m a bit confused on what I shoud actually do. I say, "Thanks but that’s not necessary. I’m in a relationship and I’m just hanging out with my boys tonight" and start to try to walk away through a crowd of people. I motion at my friend Matt who is single, trying to tell him to take my spot and handle this chick. I don’t wanna be in this situation. He kind of looked over, smiled, and looked away. He didn’t see exactly what was happening or understand. She grabs me again and puts my arm around her and tries to dance with me, I stay to her side awkwardly as not to have her get in front of me. She keeps trying to move my arm down to her ass, and I keep bringing my hand back up. Finally she grabs me by the neck, kisses me on the cheek, and says in my ear - “I will suck your whole dick” as she touches my inner thigh and she squeezes her left breast. This caught me completely off guard and again just didn’t know what to really do. It went from 0-100 and I was completely perplexed. I said, “No, that’s not happening”, I finally shoved people out of the way and got away from her. I let my buddies know what happened and we moved to the other end of the building.
I’ll be honest - this actually made me feel really uncomfortable. I’m not going to claim to have PTSD or any sensationalized bullshit, but it was an odd situation for me that definitely stuck out. I don’t want to be ridiculed or critiqued, and I try to understand all perspectives. Sure, many people might think this isn’t a “big deal” or that I should get over it. In reality maybe it wasn’t, but we don’t approach this problem like that when it comes to women. I could have and probably should have left sooner but I don’t like creating unnecessary tension or conflict, and I didn’t expect the situation to escalate in that manner. Sure if I was single I maybe would have reacted differently to all this, but that’s still a pretty big maybe. I was somewhat tipsy so that might have stumped my thinking process, and she didn’t seem like she was that intoxicated or high either - though that’s not 100% relevant.
Anyways that’s really it. I don’t want to get hyper-political, but lord knows if the roles were reversed and I forcefully kissed some woman on the cheek and touched her and said, “You’ll suck my whole dick” I would have been slapped across the face and likely had the police called on me. For dudes who have experienced this sort of thing, or for those who might, I just want to say that it’s okay to feel uncomfortable. You’re not less of a man and there’s nothing to be ashamed of if you want to talk about your experiences.
Edit: And to clarify, for women who I know damn well put up with it a lot more than I do, you’re strong as hell.
I think it’s quite sad and illustrated in your story how men are not taught the same coping strategies for inappropriate sexual conduct.
As a woman, all my life I’ve been taught from my parents, teachers, and society at large that these situations are possibilities and how to defend myself; I’m encouraged to be vocal and demanding about my personal boundaries, cautious about being in a semi-isolated situation with a strange member of the opposite sex, and entitled to help from people around me if I truly feel threatened. Your story really highlights that last point - girls are taught how to read others’ interactions and interrupt situations where another woman is alone and clearly uncomfortable. Our society doesn’t teach this to boys, and doesn’t encourage it amongst men. There is so much more associated shame if a man “can’t deal with it”, and there will be constant pressure to resolve the situation on their own. It’s incredibly unhealthy as I think it fosters the environment seen all across this thread where sexual assault/harassment of men is easily dismissed and seen to be a lesser crime than when the victim is female.
Didn't take me seriously. She later started bragging to my sister about it (was sisters roommate). This is I don't get too drunk anymore; I had gone to my room and passed out drunk and she went in after me.
I have felt disgusting and worthless to women ever since.
I grew up in group homes from very early on in life and was sexually assaulted by other kids in the group home. At the age of 5 or 6, one of the other kids would sneak into my room and hold me down and perform oral sex on me or force me to do it to him (much older - 9 or 10 years old). This happened for about 9 months to a year and while I didn't know what was going on, he clearly did as he would threaten me with killing me if I told anyone. I have told one person about this assault, much later in life, and I felt very vulnerable even talking about it as I don't want to appear that way to others as my life story has been about strength, perseverance, and resilience. I know that sharing this story could further that life story and themes, but it has just been difficult for me to reconcile with that... maybe in the future.
Growing up as a youth in care is hard enough, but dealing with sexual assault makes it that much more difficult. I have had intimacy issues my whole life because, in my opinion, the continuous rape that I was forced to experience as an already marginalized youth in care.
A lot of the negative experiences I had have helped me though. I saw the negative side of the child welfare system. I saw the trouble that social workers encounter when trying to manage large case loads. I saw how hard it is to promote life success for youth once they have aged out of the child welfare system. Many don't even get to graduate high school, enter into post-secondary education, or even live comfortably, safe, and have a realistic chance at a "successful" life.
I managed to make some lucky decisions at crucial points in my life and I'm now finishing my Master's in Social Work and hope to use the cumulative life experience for good. I get asked often how I managed to get to where I am and I really have no clue. I knew that if I was having so many problems dealing with life and the adversity that came with my lived experiences, what about all of the others that don't have the same skills that I do? So I did what I have to do... and I just hope I can be a positive influence in some others life and help them avoid some of the same troubles that I have had.
EDIT: As I got a message saying this is a post about men who have been sexually assaulted by women, let me preface this by saying I know this persons name, and search them on facebook, wishing I had the courage to message them and tell them how they have affected me. He identifies as a male, though the person in this story was most definitely female when it happened. Just because someone did that to me doesn't mean I won't respect their life decisions and ability to self-identify however they want. I am a social worker afterall, and it would be against my ethical responsibility to social justice to not respect that. If you want stories about being sexually assaulted by males, I got those for you, too.
It was about 2010. I just moved back to my dad's house in a different state than my fiance. I went out that way to look for work because where we were living there was basically nothing to do because it wasn't tourist season and I wasn't a lawyer.
The long and short of it leading up to the incident was my fiance cheated on me with a much older man and dropped me in a very cold manner.
I was extremely upset and took to whatever the biggest bottle of Jagermeister they make. I drank all of the mixers that we had with it and eventually started mixing various juices and sodas that I had lying around just so that I can continue drinking.
There was a girl who I knew that was going to college nearby. I honestly can't remember her name anymore. She insisted that she come over with a few Smirnoff drinks and hang out for a little while since I was so depressed.
She shows up and we are up drinking for another few hours until about 3 a.m. When I decide I need to go to bed.
I made it very clear to her before I went to my bedroom that I am not in a state where I can turn her away if she tries anything. And I don't want to have sex. I knew that I was an emotional wreck and couldn't really control myself or say no so I asked her (who was sober still) to not initiate anything.
I don't know how much later, but she came into my room and climbed on top of me completely naked. Well. You can guess what happened at this point.
The following day I woke up and remembered what happened. I found her lying naked next to me and my genitals were obviously sticky from intercourse.
I freaked out and yelled at her to leave. At which point in time she gave me a speech about how she knew it would help me and I didn't say no and was a willing participant once she was naked in front of me.
Then she went on to say if I tried to call the cops she would just say I raped her.
After that I never heard from her again.
I was a little suicidal from the ex fiance thing already and stared down a bottle of painkillers for about a week when I finally flushed them and ingested something besides my strict Pepto bismol and water diet that I had been able to stomach.
I am still numb to that incident and never saw anyone for help in regards to it. I'm very well adjusted now.
I know it was raped but I feel like it was my fault for letting it happen. And I feel like nobody would have believed me anyways.
The one person I told about it said if my dick got hard then I obviously wanted it. So I moved on and never properly addressed it again
The dick getting hard is a reaction to stimulus not an indication of interest. The person that said that is a crummy friend. Don't surround yourself with that kind of person.
I've told about my story but at one point, I talked about it to someone I was seeing and she dismissed it saying that as a feminist, she can't believe I would tell that story.
I died a little inside when that happened.
I'm not talking about how it happened to me (twice). There's enough shit comments I see on other people's comments here where they're sharing their experiences that I don't want to deal with it. I get that enough every other time in my life I've tried to talk about it.
If he said no and she said yes and did it anyway, it's rape and if you say it's not you're an asshole. Same if the genders are reversed or if its a guy and a guy and a girl and a girl or whatever.
Said no I wasn’t comfortable multiple times because they were seeing someone and I wasn’t comfortable with participating in cheating. She kept pushing and eventually got me horny enough that I went along with it.
Don’t feel raped cause eventually I went along with it, but from hearing about other people’s cases where coercion isn’t consent i think I was.
Ex girlfriend got me drunk when I was super depressed and didn’t want to have sex. I don’t remember happening exactly, but I remember feeling extremely violated. Woke up with dried cum on me and asked what happened, she tells me that she decided to fuck me so she could get off. Weird thing was is that I wasn’t mad, but felt like a power dynamic was off. Really weird feeling, we somehow decided it was only fair if she gets really drunk and I fuck her when she’s passed out. Turns out I’m super into that, so now I feel weird and I’m a piece of shit. And yes it was a super volatile relationship when I was in my early 20’s.
Only told you guys.
Well... I don't think it counts (or should count), because I wanted it to happen... But techincally, where i'm from, sex or any sexual plays with people below 14 y.o. is considered raping a vunerable even if the kid consent... but anyway...
I was 11/12 and the lady taking care of my little brother was around 28 or something... The 3 of us were kinda playing something like peek a boo or fighting under some blankets (my brother is 7 years younger) and anyway... at some point I was hard, my brother went away and she asked if I also wanted some kiss and then it started and lasted for around 4 years?
Edit: I feel weird about this story, since I had some anger towards her for other reasons, but I don't think it counts as rape, even tho according to brazilian laws it does :p
Edit 2: Forgot about the telling part... I told friends the facts and we all laughed together, but I never told that I don't know exactly my confusion about what happened (like why I did that if I actually hated her)... Also some time later I told my gf about it and she got disgusted about the baby sitter and demanded me to be the same way... said stuff like "she's a criminal, she's disgusting... you were too young... what if it was to your brother?" and I get pissed with the idea of being my brother, but I don't feel anything about being about myself... She used to say that I always saw myself too much responsible for everything and also felt too much as a grown up even when I was a child (parents divorced when my brother was a baby and I used to hide him from their fights, from my father's violence, besides stading in favor of their divorce to any of my family members also by saying it out loud and kinda cared for my brother as If I was the one that had to be the exemple to him, since my father sucked as a husband and was quite absent...)
I wasn’t raped, but I was sexually assaulted by an ex-girlfriend. After we broke up she convinced me to go out one last time for closure. I agreed because I did always have deep feelings for her, it didn’t work for other reasons.
So we go out, it’s going well but I can tell that she has an agenda to get me back. I tried to ignore it and get through dinner. I gave her a ride home, but before we could leave the parking garage she was on top of me. I made no reciprocation because I felt bad for her, but she just kept kissing me, grabbing me and I just sat there. She got mad, I drove her home. Same thing when we got there. She begged me to come up, I stood my ground. And that was that, at least I thought.
Then she contacted my sister who I was close to. She decided to become best friends with my sis. My sister told me, I was kind of blindsided because they had only met a handful of times. I had told my sister about the assault (I still felt guilty about calling it assault) and she asked me if I was ok being friends with her. I said we’re all adults but also asked her how she’d feel if I became friends with someone who sexually assaulted her after the assault. She’s a very progressive woman, Feminist who doesn’t put up with shit so I was pretty shocked when she decided to go with the friendship. That was almost 4 years ago, my relationship with my sister has never been the same, but they’re still friends.