I Showed Her! (i.redd.it)

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Get those sweet 5th level spells.


"You're about to take 10d6-"


"plus 40."

"what? You mean plus 4?"

"No sir, that's plus 40"

"It's called 'Disintegrate', Griffin!"


I love that I started watching TAZ less than a week ago and I'm suddenly seeing references to it all over reddit


I have no idea what's going on.


As a DM, fuck disintegrate, it lets players bypass what are usually tricky monsters with absolute ease


Disintegrate + divination wizard with low portent dice roll is amazing.


I'm literally listening to this episode right now. Like I literally heard this exchange five minutes ago. Holy shit


Beat me to it!


My girlfriend is ambitious and fights for what she wants... and I feel aimless yet somewhat content. So far this aspect of our relationship has been pretty well balanced, though it's tough to make long term plans, especially around moving to a new city. Right now she wants to move to LA or California in general because she believes she will thrive there. I'm not crazy about the idea, but I have no real reasons to back it up. Plus she has moved for me once before. So it's not as though we are taking turns moving where the other person wants, but in a way it is sort of my turn to sacrifice a little and defer to her needs.

Just needed to get this out there, as it's a recent development. Thanks for listening. Any (not shitty) advice is appreciated.


I left California for Maine 6 years ago and couldn't be happier. California is all façades, very few people actually thrive there - most get by in the desert.


This is true. I grew up and am currently living in the desert.

if you dont have a job or prospects out here, dont come.


I moved further north. Couldn't stand California. Always seemed like you had to be perfect to fit in there.


That's kind of the gist I get from it... but most of what I think I know about CA is colored by Hollywood (movie) stereotypes. If she is dead set on LA, which I don't think she is, I think my next step will be to visit for myself. I can research about it all I want, but I can't know whether I click with it until I actually visit.


I used to live in Maine! It's a beautiful state and I will probably never move back but I'm glad you enjoy it!


LA and the rest of CA get a bad rap. Most Californians I meet in the Silicon Valley or Los Angeles are transplants from elsewhere. There are huge numbers of people who uprooted, made lives here, and have done very well.

The hitch is large numbers of the ones who are doing well have been here a while and benefitted from lower housing prices and raising salaries. This may continue or it may not and it is also industry dependent. It does seem that younger people getting married and starting families are struggling a good bit here unless they have a large degree of parental help.

If your GF has major reasons to come out here it may be the right choice but if not there are lots of California-flight places that may be better for both of you: Denver, Portland, Seattle, Austin, Phoenix. There are also booming cities that you might want to look into.

What is it about California that she likes?


Hey thanks for the input! I would say she has solid reasons for being there, but nothing that is exclusive to LA or Cali. She really meshes with the vibe of the city, loves the temperature, the beaches, the people (she already knows quite a few people out there), and her work (I'll keep it vague with fitness and lifestyle coaching at premium prices) is much more marketable there, especially with the type of people who live there, than where we are now.

We do live much closer to Denver, however, and her family also lives near there, so for me Denver is a more compromising but good choice. We both enjoy spending time there and being near DIA maintains easy access to places she would like to visit (LA).


Right now she wants to move to LA or California in general because she believes she will thrive there.

Doing what exactly?

If it's in entertainment, then I would advise against it.

You know why people say Hollywood is full of crazies and weirdos? Most of them are burned out failures from other places.


Definitely not entertainment for either of us. As I said in another comment, I'll keep it vague with fitness and lifestyle coaching at premium prices, which is infinitely more marketable there than where we are now, especially with the type of people that live in LA. And my skill set it pretty specific and pays well, even though I am still fairly new to it, so I am not that worried about finding work for myself.

I also feel compelled to say there would be nothing keeping us there if it went to shit - the burned out failures you mention are likely bound to that specific place as the only option for 'making it or breaking it.'


I recently visited LA and it's kinda "meh" in my opinion. Kinda crummy, crappy roads and highways around the area, ridiculous traffic and a bunch of weirdos that come out at night. As far as big cities go I think you can do better. I would definitely recommend San Diego though, absolutely gorgeous, clean, and not as pretentious. Personally I really enjoyed Seattle, though I'm probably biased because I happened to visit on the only two days that week that it didn't rain.


Thanks for the input! I definitely need to visit to see what's up. What did you think about the food/culture/shit to do?

She is also infatuated with San Diego, so I'm glad you are backing that up. Could be a nice in-between. Ha I like Seattle as well but I need some consistent sunshine.


I was in the same boat. My girl moved to Florida for me and asked me to move to California. I was super hesitant but didn’t have a single reason to say no. I’m so fucking glad we moved out here. My life has never been this awesome. This state is amazing


Compared to Florida everywhere else is awesome.


Yup, sounds about the same! Florida to California is about as far as she could have asked you to move haha. Did you figure things out once you arrived or find a job beforehand? I don't really have any savings buffer so that is a worry.

I do live in Colorado right now, so I feel like I've already got it pretty good. I actually think I prefer the geography here to Cali, as I don't care much for the beach.


It’s expensive here but it’s getting expensive everywhere there are jobs worth anything.

I’d suggest Orange County over LA though.


What can you tell me about Orange County? Don't really know anything about it. Just now seeing that it's sort of in the suburbs?


Not sure where you're living now but expect hosting to be crazy. I'm in Huntington Beach and I have a 3 bed room apartment for 2270 a month. And I'm getting a great deal for the area


That’ll get you a 1br in DC...maaaaybe 2br depending on location. Trade?


She likes to host and I'm an introvert that avoids it at all costs, so not a huge concern.


like it should really be about if u think u can be comfortable there. u didnt tell us where u live or how u live so its impossible for me to tell.

But I can say I wouldnt be able to move to california. Im a scandinavian winter lover. so by default anything that warm is out. ^

I think u should do a mental check with urself like that. and if there is something that u just cant adapt to, that will always bother u, dont go. everything else is temporary and u should go if she is worth it :D

but if something will bother u a little bit always that seems like a sad way to live


Thanks for the advice! Right now I live in a super rural area that has few long term prospects (it was for a temporary gig in the first place), so moving has been on the radar from the start. I'm pretty much a homebody that enjoys quick access to nature and good eating.

I hear you with loving the winter. I've always had a full range of seasons, so despite loving sandals and shorts, I love fall/winter/spring.

My best bet, if she is committed to LA, will be to visit so I can do that mental check you are mentioning. Hard to gauge my capacity to adapt if I only have other people's experiences to base things off of. I think she is worth it! We have been together for a while now, so it wouldn't be a light decision to split just based on a move.


If you're not crazy about the idea but that's about all you have to say no with, I'd vote giving going with her some serious thought if you enjoy her company. You may find LA to be a place where there are enough options to find an aim should you be interested in finding one. Plus the fresh seafood is lovely :)


I guess I should qualify it slightly with me being offered a job where we are now that would do well for my resume, and that I actually enjoy doing. Thanks for the input, though, I pretty much agree with your vote :) The job wouldn't have to be long term, so maybe the solution will be to stick out here just a little longer. She just tends to get in these moods where she is super gung-ho about a plan (like moving) and doesn't want to wait around or she'll change her mind. I LOVE SEAFOOD!


I'm on the girlfriend side in the same situation...the bf is content and at the moment isn't very ambitious. When I finish my program in a couple years, I'll make a lot more money and have better job opportunities if we move. If we do, he wants to go in the opposite direction where there's a tiny job market.

I don't want to admit it but having no ambition is making me start to resent him. I'm working really fucking hard to grow personally and professionally, I love him and owe him a lot when it comes to support, but I can't describe how hard it is working my ass off and not being able to get help for little things unless I ask for it (several times) while he sits on the couch watching YouTube videos and playing on his phone all evening until he falls asleep.

I just want the person I'm with to have their own goals and aspirations, which don't seem to be much for him aside from eventually retiring and being a golf caddy for fun.


Whoof, this hits home. Thanks for sharing. So he isn't ambitious yet is steadfast in wanting to go to a place with a bad job market? That makes things unnecessarily difficult..

I just hope there isn't any resentment in my situation... I am fortunate in that I am able to leave work at work, whereas she often grinds all day until bedtime. And I could totally be more helpful in those moments. Sorry to hear that's how it is playing out in your relationship. You've given me some good stuff to think about!

In my own case (not sure if this will apply to your bf), I busted my ass all through school and ended up with two degrees, only to decide that I didn't want to pursue either of them. This has definitely left me in a sort of aimless, jaded situation where I am hypercritical of our education system and don't mind just stepping back for a while to take a breath. Plus I'm just a generally content guy that enjoys having evenings and weekends off to do whatever.

I think there can still be a nice balance in the ambitious/not-so-ambitious relationship so long as that resentment can be addressed on both ends.


If you're someone who thrives in all environment types and can adapt fairly easily, it might feel like "aimlessness". Try to retrospective think about how you've adapted in situations where others might not, and see if you can back up my theory that you are the type of person who can go wherever and continue your life. If true, I think you'll be fine with your girlfriend, who is more steadfast and specific about where she wants to go in life.


This is my favorite response. I generally do well with whatever I try my hand at and all previous moves have been relatively smooth. So I think in my own pursuits I should do a more introspective job of seeing what I enjoy and care most about versus what I am simply good at and don't mind doing. And you definitely have me leaning toward just rolling with going wherever she needs... I'd talk to her right now about it (including other cities she might be open to) but she is out of town, and reddit is doing a great job of caring. Thanks!


If there's a decent reason to move, if there is enough evidence or a strong gut feeling, you should move. Moving seems harder because it's change and we don't like unecessary change, but change is often good. Plus, moving to California is not really a bad idea anyway, it's not like you're moving to Mississippi. Economic opportunities are higher there in general.


I had a gf that moved to Seattle and assumed I would come along, not going was the best decision of my life. I also hate LA with a passion and I think its a shitty place to live (I stay there at least 8 weeks a year).


Give me the deets on the fiery hatred! I need some specifics to consider. What I generally know at this point:

  • traffic blows
  • cost of living blows
  • competition for jobs is high
  • everything is fairly sprawled out, so even if you live there it can be difficult to access lots of what makes it cool
  • lots of uber ambitious entertainment ppl desperately seeking to get a leg up (and many of their 'friendships' relate to this) - though this definitely seems like a stereotype?

Just break up with her /s




If you want to dichotomize people's relationship with work - some people have a career that fulfills them and the pursuit and progress gained in that field is rewarding. Other people work for a means of income so that they're able to pursue interests/hobbies/traveling/etc. outside of work that gives them the same fulfillment. Ideally, you'd like a mix of both but I don't think there's a wrong way.

If you have no strong ties to a career or even one you've thought about and haven't pursued, I'd ask yourself what in life gives you a sense of accomplishment and joy. Can those things be accomplished in LA?


Ask yourself if you’re prepared to lose her. If you are, do whatever the hell you’d like to. If not, some things need to be considered:

Do you have a good reason for not wanting to leave? Family / support system nearby, career opportunities here at home, parole officer won’t let you leave the state, etc..

Is she looking for a geographic solution to another type of problem? Like, she can’t get a good job because she isn’t qualified for one, but she thinks it’s because there’s no opportunity where you are... If this is the case, you have to at least float it out there, but without making her feel shitty about it.. good luck with that one, dude.

The biggest one is understanding that women are on a different schedule than we are, biologically. You can make a baby until the day you die, she’s not as fortunate. Society sure won’t help, especially when she’s looking at all of her Facebook friends posting pics of their family, all acting as if everything that’s ever been missing from their life is a family. Then her parents start asking about it, then her friends start speaking condescendingly to her, as if there are things that “she just can’t understand, not being a mother.” Shits not fair to her at all... I’m not saying this is the source, I’m just saying to be empathetic.

If she has a plan that you don’t hate, then out of fairness, you have to consider it. Or be prepared for her to resent you for “what could have been.”


What kind of career is she in? I have lived throughout most of California. Some cities are better than others.

Edit: Saw the comments below. The market for that type of work is better in South Orange County and the city of San Diego than LA.

Also, everyone and their mother is doing that type of work in SoCal and NorCal, so the competition will be fierce. Lifestyle/fitness coaches are a dime a dozen here.


California ranks last in quality of life


Right now she wants to move to LA or California

By LA, I am hoping you mean Louisiana.

If not, then we're going to have to talk about geography...

EDIT: Yep, I just realized that I missed a vital part. Sigh

Thanks for pointing it out. I'll take my hits.


Perhaps we can take this moment to talk about reading comprehension and context. Do you have a minute to sit down and talk with us?


or California in general

LA is the more specific destination, but she'd be happy to move to California at all


"LA or California" Usually means we might live in the city (CBD) or we might end up somewhere in the suburbs.


you mean Lower Alabama?


At uni, I used to date a girl who was all about the ambition. Get to the next level of whatever. It wasn't even money, but movement. I was more about doing something I liked.

I distinctly remember the following conversation:

Me: What if I just wanted to be a high school English teacher? What if that's what made me happy?

Her: That would be FINE with me. [PAUSE] And then after some time, maybe you'd get to be principal.


I like how you explained that.

My ex too.


I'm kinda that way with my girlfriend. I guess that makes us not great fits.. I want her to want to move up in the world and have great financial security but she just wants to get by, doing what she enjoys. So I'm always kinda hinting that she should get a job when she graduates college, but she just wants to tread water. Blech. Neither of us are objectively right, I can see that.


You're like my BF and I'm like your GF, and my BF makes me feel like shit when he "hints" that I'm not doing well at life, or says something like "you have no ambitious or drive".

From my perspective, where you moving up to? When it enough enough? You just gonna push her until she gets sick of you? You're gonna be chasing this next step for the rest of your life, and if you focus to hard on that you're gonna miss the journey. Give her a minute to graduate and tread water, what is a year of chilling in the long term.

As long as she isn't making stupid decision and ruining her life in the process, let her get on with it. Don't be so freaking judgmental of what makes other happy just because it's different from what makes you happy.


This hits home. My girlfriend of 6.5 years left me because I was pushing her to move forward with her life instead of letting her degree go to waste serving food and sleeping until noon.

Now I need to re-evaluate my approach to life =/


That sounds really fucking irritating


She’s probably still a first level Druid.


Nah, I bet she uses magic missile to attack the darkness though.


Where are the cheetos!!!! Can I have a Mountain Dew!!??!


The darkness fucked up by existing.


I used a 4th level magic missile on a flute once. It was magic. The dm gave it 2 hit points.


I used magic missile in a cave once. Bad idea.


Too bad you can't use it like that in 5e anymore. You can't see the darkness (whilst in it) more importantly it's not a creature.


Shillelagh! The ultimate spell.


A douche is a hygienic product, so I take that as a compliment.


Next step, get others to play it with.


Sounds like your ex is a critical fail.


I don’t know my ass from elbow in D&D, is that good? I’m assuming from the other comments it’s good, if so, congrats!


The max level is 20, but most characters never get that high due to your characted dying or the game falling apart due to burn out or scheduling difficulties. Its probably in the top 75% and you get lots of cool things you can do.


It's a cool level, but it's not some amazing feat, which to me is part of what's funny. And anyway, you can just create a new character of any level you want. It's not like a video game.

You can get up to 20, but most people don't play one character long enough to do that.


It's mid-level.

In a normal game, player characters range from level one through twenty. You can go higher if you're playing an "epic" game, but characters start to get absurdly powerful and the game tends to become about saving multiple planes of existence and killing evil gods and whatnot, some characters may even become deities themselves before it's all over.


That's a really subjective and empty statement anyway. What are these "things" you were supposed to accomplish? Every person has the right to their own goals and views "accomplishments" differently. Being accomplished could mean traveling and becoming cultured, entering a trade, saving to buy a house, pursuing education, reading a lot of good books, gaining a bunch of followers on social media, having an active social life, partying and having a lot of sex, saving money for some distant purchase, paying off debt, getting in shape, learning to cook some new meals, beating a lot of video games, or simply being happy.

Hell, your ex would probably look at my day-to-day life and find it boring and lazy as fuck, but that's because I spend my time saving money, working on my house, and nurturing my career.


Why is ambition so glorified? What's wrong with appreciating what you have? As an American, I have it better than 95% of the world. Why do I have to desire more?!


Man I can't wait to get to higher levels in my current DnD campaign. I've never played past level 4 and I'm having so much fun with my Bard.


As a fellow lvl 4 bard I cant wait either. I don't care much about getting betted spells. I just want higher modifiers for persuasion and deception.


Get Leomund's Tiny Hut.


I hope you picked up Animate Objects because that shit is 🔥


Lightning bolt!!


She’s right. Roll a 20 to prove us wrong.


Honestly, living your life the way you want without regrets is pretty damn accomplished.

If your happy, surviving and working hard for yourself, then fuck yeah. Doesn't matter if that involves saving the world, or finding time for an epic D&D campaign.


We just reached lv11 in our game. We've been playing for like 14 months and I'm so happy. We are coming to the close of the current arc and I'm so absolutely excited for our revolution. If things go well, we should fight BBEG of the arc by summer.


There's another positive in all this. You had a girlfriend AND also play DnD


Better than me amigo. My D&D groups seem to fall apart around level 5.


It's the time of the night that we turn on the black light, it's D&D!!


I still can't read this format.


motherfuckin' wizards never die


Dood. My whole party just levelled up to 9 today. Bigups. (My GF included)




Good to hear that you weren't the first to die XD


Hey, I'm a level 9 wizard too!


Ding! Congrats man!


Reddit has reached a new low...




I maybe having a bad time atm. But what a pathetic use of this meme. Absolutely pathetic.


Talk to me when you get a wish spell noob!


Yes, sounds like that will be your last girlfriend.


This is not how you use this meme -_-


the penguins have lost all meaning